defrog: (Default)
Who said it: Donald Trump or Cliff Clavin from Cheers?

1. Cows were domesticated in Mesopotamia and were also used in China as guard animals for the forbidden city.

2. The smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them.

3. I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs.

4. Everyone is the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army Knife. That's why no one messes with Switzerland.

5. If you were to go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa.

6. The umbilical chord is 90% postassium.

7. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine; which is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

8. Due to the shape of the North American elk's esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna.

9. Speaking of sweat, here's a little known fact: women have fewer sweat glands than men, but they're larger and more active. Consequently they sweat more.

10. Early cavemen, they went out and hunted for the very food that graced their simple table. The women stayed in the cave and developed art, culture, what-have-you. Men down through the centuries have always been hunters, doers, adventurers. Cogito, it is not in man's nature to sit alone and be passive and docile.

11. With the recent strides in genetic engineering, I mean, we'll soon be faced with the possibility of producing enormous farm animals to feed the hungry millions. Now imagine one cow to feed an entire city, one egg making an omelette for an entire family. Yeah, I mean with the advances we're making today, the future is unlimited.

12. There are many theories as to why the Florida orange is far superior to it's California counterpart. I personally think it's the trace mineral elements in the Floridian water. That's obviously due to the frequency of typhoons in the nitrogen rich alligator guano.

13. Well, it's not really later in Florida. It's a popular misconception. It's Eastern Standard Daylight Time down there too. Speaking of time, boy it really stops still when you're in the Everglades. They've got huge gators, you know gators are, what we who are familiar with Florida call alligators. Yeah, they got huge gators and giant crocs. You all know what a croc is? Well, the first morning there was crystalline as I was stepping onto the hydrofoil. The captain, Bill Bob Dupree, I think his name was, asked me not to bring the beach umbrella, well, cause it got caught in the prop on the way out.

14. The word Florida comes from the language of the Okie Canokie Indians and it means, literally, place where the old people come to sweat.

15. Many scientists believe that the little finger, that's the pinky, léger de main, will one day, like the tail, disappear, you know, because it serves no purpose.

16. It's a common belief that the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the king of the dinosaurs, you know, as indicated by the palativesaurus. The smartest of the spiny reptiles was actually the Peapatroid.

17. Billiards was invented by the ancient Venetians, and it gained popularity after a group of Benedictine Monks invented felt.

18. Well, you know however, this much is true, you know there's been recent sightings of human beings being shot up into the underbelly of alien spacecraft. You know, and speaking of the Bermuda Triangle, it's not technically a triangle. It's a trapazeedarhomboid, perfect for attracting Martian spacecraft.

19. Topless waitresses – scientific fact – they can deliver drinks faster than their clothed counterparts.

20. Yorkshire Pudding was invented in the late 1770's during a beef shortage. A person could be given a little bit of beef and soak up the gravy with the pudding thereby fooling his stomach into thinking he was having a fuller dinner than he actually was.

Think before you answer,

This is dF
defrog: (Default)
It’s not quite what I was expecting.



[Via Scott Patrick]

Mad Mario,

This is dF


defrog: (Default)
Well, are ya? Punk?

journey: escape… the game.

[Via Beatnik Daddio]

Who’s crying now.

This is dF


defrog: (Default)
The Green Goblin: so evil he’ll heckle Spiderman when he’s trying to play video games.



And yes, children, the Atari 2600 was state of the art once.

Blow this town to smithereens,

This is dF
defrog: (Default)
Remember kids: when you summon unknown spirits all the way from the underworld, be sure to waste their time by asking them really inane and meaningless questions.


[Via vintage-ads]

Seriously. If someone summoned me via a Ouija board to ask me stuff like this, I’d be totally going Poltergeist on them.

Don’t ask,

This is dF


defrog: (fucking coffee)
Visitors to a zoo were amazed to see a gorilla playing with a Nintendo DS at San Francisco Zoo. Photographer Christina Spicuzza snapped female gorilla Bawang who had managed to get hold of a handheld games console a young boy had dropped into her enclosure. But her new toy soon caught the attention of 20-month-old son Hansani - who came and peered at the game before making a grab for it

Yes, I know the gorilla is holding it wrong. Who’s going to tell her, eh?

All thumbs,

This is dF
defrog: (obamarama)
ITEM: Seen at the Our Lady of Mount Carmel Big Time carnival in Roseto, PA: a dart game called “Alien Attack” ... starring President Barack Obama as the alien.



The game was pulled after some people complained.

Some people have made noise about a game that encourages children of all ages to shoot the President. Personally, I’m not too worried about that specifically, though I can understand why the Secret Service wasn’t amused. Ultimately, it IS just a game, and lots of people have always wanted to vent their frustrations on the President (whoever he may be) because he’s a public figure that everyone blames for the bad stuff happening in America. That’s a long-standing American tradition.

And sure, yes, some liberals do it too, though that’s a weak-ass defense, especially if yr a conservative who didn’t like it when liberals wished rhetorical/symbolic death on, say, George W Bush.

However, there’s a couple of things about this worth raising.

1. This was at a church function, though to be fair too, the church itself didn’t create the game – it’s from a company called Goodtime Amusements. Also, the church pastor claims he had no idea the game existed until some people complained. And he’s a Catholic priest, so why would he lie? Still, someone clearly thought this would be appropriate for a church carnival.

2. The thing that really grates my cabbage is that Irvin L. Good Jr., owner of Goodtime Amusements, denies that the “alien leader” is supposed to be Obama.

“... You’re interpreting it as being Obama. We’re not interpreting it as Obama. The name of the game is ‘Alien Leader.’ ...”

When it was suggested the health bill and presidential seal might lead players to believe the game did depict Obama, Good said, “You may be right there.”

Look. Dude. If yr going to create a game where the object is to shoot Obama, the least you can do is own up to it.

I made this,

This is dF
defrog: (benjamins)
ITEM: BP once had its own board game in the 1970s, you know: Oil Strike, the object of which was to race rival oil companies to find and drill for oil in the North Atlantic. The first player to reach $120 million wins!



Of course, there are challenges: 

There are also risks like storms, which can hurt the productivity of your offshore operations, and, more presciently, catastrophic oil spills, which cost the player a small token amount of money to clean up and thereafter forget about.

One “hazard card” reads “Blow-out! Rig damaged. Oil slick clean-up costs. Pay $1million.”

How realistic!

PRODUCTION NOTE: Adjusted for inflation, today’s players would pay $2.9 million

CONSUMER ADVISORY: Not to be confused with the King Oil game by Milton Bradley.

Drilling fun for the whole family,

This is dF
defrog: (coop babes)
Yr new favorite Internet time-waster: Sex Squad!



It’s an online sex-ed game from the the city health office in London, Ontario, in which you play a member of the Sex Squad to defeat The Sperminator, a former Sex Squad member whose been infected with an STD that gives him giant ejaculating cocks for arms.

Yr mission: wear him down with correct information about safe sex until he is cured.

Yes, I know, it’s a bit silly. But it IS educational. And I support any sex-ed material that (1) features a villain dressed like a lucha libre wrestler with semen-squirting cock arms and (2) has results like this.



Soon to be a major motion picture (I hope).

I love living in the city,

This is dF
defrog: (obamarama)
Our apartment building has an SRO dish that pumps free satellite channels to every flat. We’re not talking free HBO here, but usually national flagship channels like Arirang (Korea), the Australia Channel, etc. Fashion TV and Al-Jazeera is about as premium as it gets.

For reasons I’m not very clear on, we also get a 24-Hour news channel from Russia. In English. Which is how I found out about the hottest online game in America:



According to Wired, it’s basically a simplified version of Axis And Allies based on the premise that Obama really is as evil as the average Teabagger says he is:

To prevent a midterm recasting of Congress, Obama suspends the Second Amendment and dissolves the United States in order to form The North American People’s Union with Canada and Mexico. The people rise up in arms, combating the Marxist forces of Obama’s loyalist Black Tigers, the Islamic fundamentalist Nation of Malsi and The Cong — a group of deposed Democratic congressional leaders – as well as whatever government troops choose to align themselves with the errant administration.

Well, of course.

Interestingly, the game was created by Libertarians who supported Ron Paul, one of whom is promising another version of the game featuring George W Bush as the evil dictator who destroys America.

Still, the co-founder in the Russia Today piece (who is not the same co-founder who talked to Wired) sounds jolly convinced that Obama’s policies really will lead to The North American People’s Union. On the other hand, he’s got a game to sell and a dream demographic that thinks this a documentary in progress. So really, what else is he going to say?

Looking forward to the Dubya version.

Game on,

This is dF
defrog: (robot love)
Speaking of robots, I’ve been to the movies again. And we actually have a theme this time: the near future!

Surrogates

In 2017, we will all stay at home and live our lives outside via lifelike robots controlled by virtual interfaces.

That’s the premise of this movie, where things start to go wrong after a surrogate is destroyed, killing the user by remote in the process. The film tries to make a commentary about people preferring artificial interaction to real people, but the premise itself is hard to get past – that realistic robots will somehow be so affordable within the next ten years that even low-income people will have them, and the 2% of people who don’t use them will secede from the US and live in sovereign machine-free zones.

Even if the movie was set in 2054 (as the original graphic novel is), there are plenty of inconsistencies and plot holes to derail the story. Either way, as imagined futures go, it’s not very convincing, even by Hollywood standards.

Gamer

In 2034, video games will feature live human avatars fitted with mind-control technology that allows gamers to control them.

That’s the premise of THIS movie from Neveldine/Taylor, the guys who brought you Crank. And it’s slightly more plausible in that the avatars are either volunteers (in the case of “Society”, which mimics Second Life via the cheesiest MTV videos you can think of) or death-row inmates (in the case of “Slayers”, a first-person shooter MMORPG). The actual technology to make this work is bonkers, but then Neveldine/Taylor have never really cared about technical accuracy about ... well, pretty much everything.

Anyway, the story is basically a mashup of The Running Man, Rollerball and Johnny Mnemonic with a video-game twist, with the hero of Slayers trying to fight his way to freedom from the game – which in turn threatens the IT CEO that invented the technology. Not that original, and the characters are pretty one-dimensional. And while I wouldn’t say replacing Gerard Butler with Jason Statham would have improved things, it wouldn’t have hurt.

On the bright side, the action is well done, and at least it’s a film with something to say, even if it isn’t always said that articulately. As B-level dystopian satires go, you could do worse (see above).

Games people play,

This is dF

defrog: (pulp frog)
This year’s hottest new video game: Close Range, which consists solely of shooting people point-blank in the face.

As reported by Onion News Network. So you know it’s true.



Is it wrong that I laughed the hardest when the ostrich pops up?

DISCLAIMER: I’m not big on video games, and I’m less interested in first-person shooter games, but I’m not against them, and I’ve never believed they turn kids or anyone else into violent killers.

However, I do think this Onion piece is dead-on. So to speak. Because you know as well as I do there’s a market for a game like this. Not a big one. But it’s there.

Pull the trigger,

This is dF

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