THE SLOW PAINFUL DEATH OF SATURDAY MORNING TELEVISION CONTINUES

ITEM: Fox is filling two hours of its Saturday morning programming with infomercials instead of cartoons. “Weekend Marketplace”, they’ll call it.

It’s supposed to be a “short term” fix to the problem of needing to fill up air time until they find something to replace 4Kids. But it’s probably as well. Saturday morning cartoons stopped being fun sometime around the 80s when it was all “Muppet Babies” and “Tom And Jerry Kids” and “Baby Dinosaurs” and “Baby Fucking Baby Care Bears From Mars” and other shows that made Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels look like f***ing Reservoir Dogs.

To be fair, TV networks were pretty much forced to make Saturday mornings sucky after censorship groups and other killjoys complained about Bugs Bunny teaching kids to blow up chickens with dynamite. And by the mid-80s, some of the best stuff was appearing on UHF stations in the afternoons after school anyway. And now of course all the good cartoons are on cable TV anyway, and even those compete with DVDs, video games and the Internets.

Still, infomercials?

FUN FACT: I remember when the new Saturday morning TV lineup was an EVENT. I’d watch all the network previews (shown in prime time) to see what new stuff was coming up.

And look how I turned out.

FUN FACT: Some of the greatest Saturday morning cartoons weren’t actually cartoons.

Exhibit A: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp

Exhibit B: Land of the Lost

Look out for that waterfall,

This is dF

GITMO: THANK YOU FOR SPENDING YOUR HOLIDAY WITH US

ITEM: An interesting historical footnote for yr consideration in later years when you reflect upon the legacy of the Bush Posse:

When “detainees” at Guantanamo Bay are released, they are handed an official govt document explaining their situation. Here, according to Roger Cohen, is the entire content of the document:

“An Administrative Review Board has reviewed the information about you that was talked about at the meeting on DD/MM/YYYY and the deciding official in the United States has made a decision about what will happen to you. You will be sent to the country of ___________. Your departure will occur as soon as possible.”

That’s it. Nothing about having been locked up for years with no legal rep and without being charged with any crime, not even an apology for the inconvenience. To say nothing of the waterboarding spirited interrogation.

Notice the careful wording, says Cohen:

We have “the deciding official,” not an officer, general or judge. We have “the information about you,” not allegations, or accusations, let alone charges. We have “a decision about what will happen to you,” not a judgment, ruling or verdict. This is the lexicon of totalitarianism. It is acutely embarrassing to the United States. That is why I am thankful above all that the next U.S. commander in chief is a constitutional lawyer.

FUN FACT: Of the 770 detainees in Gitmo, only 23 have ever been charged with a crime.

Mission accomplished!

Get out of jail,

This is dF