KILLED BY DEATH (PANELS)

ITEM [via Def Agent bedsitter23 ]: Columnist Froma Harrop reveals that death panels do in fact exist, and that healthcare rationed by one of these death panels contributed to the death of her husband from liver cancer.

The twist: it wasn’t a government death panel in Canada, but a private insurance company in the US.

Of course the “death panel” term was always calculated hyperbole on Sarah Palin’s part to describe the process of determining what health insurance will cover and what it won’t (which the anti-ObamaCare crowd likes to call “rationing”, mainly because it sounds like something Soviet Russians do). What the anti-ObamaCare crowd tends to leave out is that this process is really no different from the way private health insurance companies work now.

Not that I blame them for failing to bring it up. I wouldn’t want to be the person forced to explain why it’s evil when govt bureaucrats get to decide what treatments they’ll cover, but proper when private companies do it. “Yes, yr husband died because United Healthcare refused to pay for effective treatment, but at least he died preserving the ideology of the free market instead of letting it fall into the hands of godless Socialists.”

Jesus. Jon Stewart would have a f***ing field day with me.

Anyway, I look forward to the conservative response to this column – how Harrop’s story, while sad, also emphasizes the point that you wouldn’t to be put in that situation by either private or public insurers, and that while yr in favor of some level of reform, the answer is to provide incentives for the free market to clean up its act rather than relying on an expensive govt entity to compete with the private sector at a time when we’re already trying to get the deficit under control, and –

Ha ha. Just kidding. What I mean is, they’ll shout and stamp a lot about how Harrop is a bleeding-heart liberal distorting the truth by unfairly cherrypicking horror stories to make her point, which conservatives never do, and if she hates America that much, why doesn’t she just move to Canada, which is practically North Korea with moose, better beer and worse music (insert Nickelback joke here), and see how much better she likes it there when she goes to the doctor for a check-up and gets prescribed a trip to the gas chamber, after which she’ll be ground up into hamburger meat and sold to unsuspecting cafeterias who think they’re getting Soylent Green.

That’ll be good fun.

Claim denied,

This is dF

EARLY TO BED AND EARLY TO RISE MAKES A MAN OR WOMAN MISS OUT ON THE NIGHT LIFE

Or, “Early riser = most annoying mutant superpower EVER”

ITEM: New research suggests that a genetic mutation may explain why some people are early risers while the rest of us need to sleep until noon to be of any use to anyone.

Geneticist Ying-Hui Fu and colleagues say they have found the first genetic mutation in humans that appears to affect sleep duration rather than sleep timing:

The mutation lies in DEC2, a gene that codes for a protein that helps turn off expression of other genes, including some that control circadian rhythm, the internal clock that regulates a person's sleep-wake cycle. The mutation occurred in just two people, a mother and her daughter. The women sleep an average of only 6.25 hours, whereas the rest of the family members sleep a more typical 8 hours.

In other words, the amount of sleep you need to feel rested is genetically determined – and people with mutant genes need less sleep.

I knew it. I KNEW IT.

Of course, it’s more complicated than that. And I doubt yr boss will be any more impressed when you explain that you HAVE to sleep until noon because it’s genetic than he was when you argued that science proves a 20 minute nap around tea time will make you more productive than guzzling coffee.

Still, at least now you can slag off early risers as mutant life forms. Which isn’t nice, I know. But you’d be cranky too if you had to get up at six f***ing o’clock every weekday.

FUN FACT: In the US Army, wake-up call is 0500 every day. Three-and-a-half years of this routine completely failed to make a morning person out of me. That’s because you can’t argue with science, Jim.

Sleeping in,

This is dF

LAUREL AND HARDY LIKES THEM SOME GAP BAND

Because sometimes the simplest ideas are the best.

"Blue Oyster Cult: Searching for Celine" (Watch on YouTube)

If this doesn't get you off, there's nothing we can do for  you.

Also available: Laurel and Hardy dance to The Archies (which also works, but I like the Gap Band version more for some reason).

Don’t you miss it baby,

This is dF