DEF XMAS PLAYLIST 2009: CHRISTMAS SONG FOR MARK E SMITH TO SING

Self-explanatory, really. Or not at all. But if yr Christmas experience involves a drunk relative talking yr ear off in an entertaining way, then this should be familiar to you.

"Tank (1984) full trailer" (Watch on YouTube)

All the politicians are on holiday,

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NATURE 1, TECHNOLOGY 0

ITEM [via BoingBoing]: Cities everywhere have been replacing incandescent traffic lights with LED lights, because they use 90% less electricity, last longer and are more durable.

One thing incandescents have that LEDs don’t – excess heat to melt off snow.

Oops!

"I've never had to put up with this in the past," said Duane Kassens, a driver from Indiana who was involved in an accident attributed to a snow-clogged traffic light. "The police officer told me the new lights weren't melting the snow. How is that safe?"

Which is why Dave Hansen, a traffic engineer with the Green Bay Department of Public Works, offers the following fix: if you can’t see the traffic light, slow the hell down and do what you do when the power’s out. (Unless yr one of those people who figure no light = keep going, in which case don’t do that.)

Red light green light,

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MY BROADBAND, IT IS SEXY, YES?

Yr alleged pub-science fact of the day:

A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB.

Which in turn (and I suck at math, but assuming 8 bits per byte and a total ejaculation time of 15 seconds) works out roughly to a line speed of just over 846 Terabits per second.

Speedy!

On the other hand, given that yr transferring close to 1.6PB of data to a modem that's not only designed to receive a single 37.5MB file, after which it discards every other packet, but also is protected by a multitude of firewalls (which slow down yr transmission time considerably), it’s hardly a bandwidth-efficient solution (compared to, say, Comcast).

But, you know, f*** efficiency.

So to speak.

[Insert "buffer overflow" joke here.]

DISCLAIMER: Team Def cannot vouch for the authenticity or accuracy of the statement what started this post.

Data overload,

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DEF XMAS SHOPING TIPS: FOR THE PUNK ROCKER WHO HAS EVERYTHING AND HATES IT

Nothing says "Christmas" quite like a GG Allin 1991 Throbblehead.



Sadly they’re already sold out, so you’ll have to try yr luck on eBay.

On the other hand, Tesco Vee, Dwarves and Milo from The Descendants are still available.

PRODUCTION NOTE: Go here if you need GG Allin explained to you.

The night GG Allin came to town,

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