ASK THE OCTOPUS

With the World Cup Final coming up in less than two hours, I guess I’d better get an obligatory World Cup Prediction post in before kickoff.

I’m calling it for The Netherlands.

And you can bank on my advice, because the World Cup has played out exactly as I predicted, except that none of the Latin American teams made it to the final.

But who are you going to believe – a guy who barely keeps up with football, or a precognitive octopus?

That said, I think Paul The Precog Octopus is the best thing about this year’s World Cup. There’s something useful in knowing that lots of people will still accept supernatural explanations over something that can be easily explained by probability.

But then who needs science when you have CNN?

Not that I’m blaming CNN for falling for the supernatural angle – I mean, a hook is a hook, and who in 2010 expects any cable TV news channel to let facts get in the way of a good story?

I just wish they’d get their terminology straight – Paul is precognitive, not psychic. Big difference. You’d think a news organization would get that much right.

Anyway, I’m going with Netherlands. So I’d be putting my money on Spain if I were you.

Place yr bets,

This is dF

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EDITED TO ADD [Ten hours later]: Told you.

THE RUBBER LOVE BOAT

Good morning. It’s Monday. Here’s hoping yr weekend went something like this.



Rock the boat,

This is dF

WORLD CUP 2010: THE AGONY OF DEFEAT

So the World Cup went pretty much the way I predicted, except that Spain won.

And while I don’t feel 100% responsible for The Netherlands losing, I do feel as though I should offer my condolensces to both the team and the fans, given the stakes.



[Via Buzzfeed]

Still, that explains all the yellow cards, doesn’t it?

Better luck next time,

This is dF

THE US ARMED FORCES: SOON TO BE AVAILABLE IN STRAIGHT AND GAY FLAVORS

ITEM [via Def Agent Stacy J]: The Pentagon issues a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Survey to assess how US troops really feel about serving with gays (or, as they’re referred to repeatedly in the survey, “teh homosexuals”), then blames the media for reporting the questions in it, as well as the subsequent criticism over the way the survey is formatted.

Part of the criticism has to do with the survey asking lifestyle-oriented questions (i.e. socializing at military functions, suppose they lived next door to you on base, etc) and questions about showering with teh gayz. Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell says such questions are fair game because they address privacy issues that could be of concern.

Personally I agree with Morrell to an extent – if social mixers and group showers are going to be an issue, you want to know how big an issue it’s going to be and for how many soldiers, because that is going to play a role in how you deal with it if and when DADT is repealed.

However, when it comes to potential solutions, segregation wasn’t quite what I had in mind:

In response to questions from reporters, Morrell clarified that the survey responses could lead the military to conclude that it would "perhaps need adjustments to facilities themselves," indicating that it is not outside the realm of possibility that, in order to preserve the privacy and modesty of heterosexual service members in group showers and barracks, the military would consider segregating gay and lesbian service members in some way.

As a peacetime combat veteran with four years of experience worth of govt-funded group showers and casual homoerotic nudity, I can assure you this idea is as impractical and unworkable as it is offensive. Are we talking about separate barracks (expensive), or designated straight/gay showering times (logistical headache)? And how far would some base commanders (the fundamentalist Christian ones, just as an example) take that? Straights/Gays sections in the mess hall? Gay-only battalions?

 

To be fair, at this stage it’s only one potential option on the table, and one I’m fairly sure they’d reject out of sheer impracticality. On the other hand, that would depend in part on the survey’s outcome – if it finds that 99% of soldiers are homophobes (with the detailed responses kept classified in the name of national security), then the Pentagon will be able to come back to Congress with “proof” that DADT is the only workable option because look, can we help it if America’s soldiers are awesomely straight?

Or not. I’m just thinking out loud here. The survey results may well be surprisingly progressive, and the Pentagon may be impressively forthright about the metadata collected to allow independent groups to peer-review it. It’s even possible that not a single platoon or squad leader will pull rank and tell their soldiers just how they’re expected to fill out the questionaire.

Either way, gay/straight segregation is a daft idea – so much so that I’ll bet five American dollars that it’s on the table mainly to make DADT look reasonable in comparison.

Separate but equal my ass,

This is dF