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Guest commentary from Team Def Political Batshit Science Editor, Lucky Bensonhurst.
MEMO
13JAN11
From: Team Def Political Batshit Science Dept
re: Who shot Gabby Giffords?
People often ask me, “How did you get yr start as a hack political journalist?”
The answer is painfully simple: instinct. Something about elected officials and “experts” jabbering inane batshit about a given topic or event compels me to find the nearest typewriter, feed it with paper and pound out 8,000 words of correctional perspective in an effort to make sense of it all.
Granted, it reads like demented profane gibberish. But hey, it’s a living. And I feel much better afterwards. It’s like scream therapy for white Bengal tigers, only it requires a serious manicure budget.
The recent news of Jared Lee Loughner shooting Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in the head along with another nineteen people (six dead, including a nine-year-old girl) offers a contemporary example of why I have no choice in my career path.
I have been sitting in front of my Whackintosh for the past few days, making phone calls, doing research, eating ravioli out of the can and drinking coffee straight out of the pot (as true journalists do). And now here I am, pounding away on this goddamn beautiful, durable beast of a laptop, for no other reason that I am weary of the “debate” over the Gifford shootings (and by “debate” I mean “hardcore liberals and conservatives pointing at each other screaming ‘THIS IS ALL YR FAULT, YOU EVIL BASTARDS!’ ”) and I feel compelled to offer some reasoned perspective just to see what will happen when my contact list reads it.
As usual.
Anyway. After careful analysis of the situation, here are the conclusions I’ve drawn:
( And he does go on for awhile ... )
And so much for that.
Time to brew another pot of coffee and ravioli, sit back and wait for Keith Olbermann to call so we can shout at each other in pompous accents. It relaxes us.
– L. Bensonhurst
MEMO
13JAN11
From: Team Def Political Batshit Science Dept
re: Who shot Gabby Giffords?
People often ask me, “How did you get yr start as a hack political journalist?”
The answer is painfully simple: instinct. Something about elected officials and “experts” jabbering inane batshit about a given topic or event compels me to find the nearest typewriter, feed it with paper and pound out 8,000 words of correctional perspective in an effort to make sense of it all.
Granted, it reads like demented profane gibberish. But hey, it’s a living. And I feel much better afterwards. It’s like scream therapy for white Bengal tigers, only it requires a serious manicure budget.
The recent news of Jared Lee Loughner shooting Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in the head along with another nineteen people (six dead, including a nine-year-old girl) offers a contemporary example of why I have no choice in my career path.
I have been sitting in front of my Whackintosh for the past few days, making phone calls, doing research, eating ravioli out of the can and drinking coffee straight out of the pot (as true journalists do). And now here I am, pounding away on this goddamn beautiful, durable beast of a laptop, for no other reason that I am weary of the “debate” over the Gifford shootings (and by “debate” I mean “hardcore liberals and conservatives pointing at each other screaming ‘THIS IS ALL YR FAULT, YOU EVIL BASTARDS!’ ”) and I feel compelled to offer some reasoned perspective just to see what will happen when my contact list reads it.
As usual.
Anyway. After careful analysis of the situation, here are the conclusions I’ve drawn:
( And he does go on for awhile ... )
And so much for that.
Time to brew another pot of coffee and ravioli, sit back and wait for Keith Olbermann to call so we can shout at each other in pompous accents. It relaxes us.
– L. Bensonhurst
