I HAD TOO MUCH TO DREAM LAST NIGHT

I am in some Fringe-like scenario involving parallel universes. The gateway my organization uses is inside an abandoned factory. The building works like an airlock – once yr inside, it’s airtight, and all you have to do is create a vacuum, and then replace the air with air of a slightly different density that matches the universe you want to travel to, and PAFF! Yr there. You leave the factory and yr in that universe.

I use this method to travel to another such universe in order to meet my team on the other side. We are in search of something called the Jackhammer, a gun that’s more than a gun, though I don’t know how.

I can hear one of my team members approaching, playing a banjo. It turns out it’s not a banjo at all, but a device that looks like a complicated duck call. It has valves you can set so that when you blow into it, it sounds like yr playing a banjo.

He gives me the Jackhammer, and explains that it fires like an ordinary gun – the secret is the bullets, which give it its amazing abilities. Our mission is now to find the ammunition depot where the Jackhammer bullets are hidden.

And then I woke up.

Out of this world,

This is dF

HAVE A DRUMSTICK, SUGAR

Col Sanders invented Kentucky Fried Chicken to get girls. Fact.



[Via Ambidextrously Erotic]

Chicken magnet,

This is dF

SKIN, SHADOWS AND GHOSTS

And now, the final amateur movie reviews of 2011. Hurrah.

NOTE: Only one of these is likely to make my Top Ten list. Yes, I am in fact doing another one.

The Skin I Live In (La Piel Que Habito)

I confess that Pedro Almovodar is one of those film directors I respect, but not to the point of watching all his films, which – at least lately – tend to be the kind of films I don’t watch. But a medical horror flick with Antonio Banderas? I’m there.

And I didn’t regret it. The story is a familiar one for the genre – a plastic surgeon obsessed with the death of his wife (who committed suicide after being horribly burned) develops and tests artificial burn-proof skin on captive patient Vera. But it’s the way Almovodar tells it that makes it compelling. The story unfolds in present time, shrouded in mystery, then uses flashbacks to reveal more mysteries until suddenly it all comes together and you realize what yr really watching is one of the weirder and more twisted revenge plots ever filmed.

And while the film raises more questions than it’s capable of answering, it’s still well executed and very well-directed. Well-acted too – Banderas in particular is fantastic, playing mad surgeon Ledgard with a kind of charming menace without going OTT with it. It’s definitely not for everyone, but – at the risk of making cop-out comparisons – fans of David Cronenberg might dig it.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law and Guy Ritchie return (as you knew they would) for another installment in the new Sherlock Holmes blockbuster franchise, with this one introducing criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty, whom Holmes suspects to be behind numerous bombings across Europe.

I’m tempted to say that if you liked the first one, you’ll like this one, but it seems less people liked SH:AGoS, though the complaints I’ve heard could just as easily be applied to the first film, really. It is fair to say that the plot feels less complicated this time around, which is a bit disappointing considering Moriarty is supposed to be an evil genius. Also, some of the action gets a little too OTT even by Ritchie’s standards.

Still, it’s got the same basic things going for it as last time – namely, a more accurate take on Holmes than most people think, and it’s a lot of fun to watch. If nothing else, it’s the one franchise film I’ve seen this year that generally lived up to my expectations.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

The fourth M:I installment in which Ethan Hunt gets framed for blowing up the Kremlin, the entire IMF is disavowed, and Hunt must stop the real culprit – a mad nuke expert bent on starting a nuclear war in the name of human evolution.

In many ways it’s pretty much the big-budget improbable-gadget-equipped actionfest you’d expect. Credit to Brad Bird for knowing how to direct a suspenseful action film, more credit to the scriptwriters for having the spytech fail repeatedly, and extra credit for casting Jeremy Renner, who looks like he was born to be in M:I films.

That said, the whole thing just feels tired to me. We didn’t really need another M:I film, and while this one is better than M:I3 and not as cheesy as M:I2, it’s still not as good as the first one.

This review will self-destruct in five seconds,

This is dF