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1. CRAB BUFFET
I am at a seafood buffet with The Bride at a place called the Amour Garden Hotel. This buffet specializes in crab, so The Bride orders some. When I come to the table, she has a dish of crab legs, plus hairy crab. The legs are arranged like a pinwheel on a plate of ice – they are also huge, almost a meter long. The hairy crab is REALLY hairy, and the size of a golden retriever. The Bride asks me if I’m going to eat anything. I can’t eat crab, but it turns out that behind the giant crab there is a bunch of other food I can take – roast pork, vegetables, fried bananas, etc.
2. BIG-ASS ROACHES
I am in the rec room of my mom’s old house There’s a guy looking for something under her desk. We notice there are cockroaches in the lampshades. They’re the size of guinea pigs.
3. BATMAN IN A BALL POOL FIGHT
I am a bystander to a Batman fight in a ball pool. Literally: Batman and Robin (Adam West and Burt Ward) are beating up bad guys in a ball pool. The police arrive to break it up. I want to see what happens, but the group I’m with gets distracted by a flock of insanely cute birds with huge anime eyes that have landed by the roadside. Meanwhile, a team of villains led by Jeremy Irons are making plans to take advantage of a coming typhoon to steal sacks of biological samples from a laboratory. The biological samples are distilled, concentrated essence of the cute birds, whose DNA is worth a fortune on the black market.
4. HOW TO STEAL A FILM PROJECTOR
I am in India, helping Chinese nationals steal a film projector from the local corrupt boss so that they can use it for propaganda or transmit information back to China or something. The scam requires perfect timing, because the boss uses the projector to display information during meetings. We arrange to cut the power and make it seem like the projector has broken down. We come into the boardroom, remove the film reels and offer to take it in for repair. Then we take it away to use it ourselves.
The art of the steal,
This is dF
I am at a seafood buffet with The Bride at a place called the Amour Garden Hotel. This buffet specializes in crab, so The Bride orders some. When I come to the table, she has a dish of crab legs, plus hairy crab. The legs are arranged like a pinwheel on a plate of ice – they are also huge, almost a meter long. The hairy crab is REALLY hairy, and the size of a golden retriever. The Bride asks me if I’m going to eat anything. I can’t eat crab, but it turns out that behind the giant crab there is a bunch of other food I can take – roast pork, vegetables, fried bananas, etc.
2. BIG-ASS ROACHES
I am in the rec room of my mom’s old house There’s a guy looking for something under her desk. We notice there are cockroaches in the lampshades. They’re the size of guinea pigs.
3. BATMAN IN A BALL POOL FIGHT
I am a bystander to a Batman fight in a ball pool. Literally: Batman and Robin (Adam West and Burt Ward) are beating up bad guys in a ball pool. The police arrive to break it up. I want to see what happens, but the group I’m with gets distracted by a flock of insanely cute birds with huge anime eyes that have landed by the roadside. Meanwhile, a team of villains led by Jeremy Irons are making plans to take advantage of a coming typhoon to steal sacks of biological samples from a laboratory. The biological samples are distilled, concentrated essence of the cute birds, whose DNA is worth a fortune on the black market.
4. HOW TO STEAL A FILM PROJECTOR
I am in India, helping Chinese nationals steal a film projector from the local corrupt boss so that they can use it for propaganda or transmit information back to China or something. The scam requires perfect timing, because the boss uses the projector to display information during meetings. We arrange to cut the power and make it seem like the projector has broken down. We come into the boardroom, remove the film reels and offer to take it in for repair. Then we take it away to use it ourselves.
The art of the steal,
This is dF
