ELECTION 2008: THE RPG
Mar. 11th, 2008 07:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
defrogITEM [via BoingBoing]: In honor of both the passing of Gary Gygax and the most entertaining US presidential campaign EVER, Charles Stross – my new favorite science fiction writer – has drawn up a helpful voter’s guide to the three remaining candidates – as expressed in AD&D Monster Manual profiles.
Example:
NOTE: I’m mainly posting this because I know some readers will get the humor in lines like “ALIGNMENT: Chaotic evil if under control of Cheney; otherwise Chaotic neutral.” On the other hand, it’s about as useful as anything CNN”s going to tell you about these people, so why not, Jim?
DISCLAIMER: I was a casual D&Der myself – never took it too seriously, couldn’t be bothered with the details, but I do understand the appeal. Champions Of The Galaxy was as involved as I ever got in RPGs. Even started my own competing wrestling league. So I was Jim Crockett to Tom Filsinger's Vince McMahon. Or something like that.
No dice,
This is dF
Example:
Barack Obama (Demon Prince of Upsetting Applecarts.) (Lesser God.)
FREQUENCY: Very rare
NO APPEARING: 1
ARMOUR CLASS:
MOVE: 3" (72" per flight sector on the campaign jet)
HIT DICE: 200 hit points (But first you have to defeat 4d8 Secret Service Agents — unless attacking in Texas, Florida, or other Republican-held states)
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: Budget Deficit: -500,000 million G.P. plus compound interest
NO. OF ATTACKS: 0 (He runs a clean campaign).
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Makes his opponents look foolish: -1 Charisma per round engaged in combat polite debate.
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Casts Mass Charm 1 per round engaged in combat polite debate.
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +5 Fundraising, Regeneration, +3 or better weapon to hit.
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80%
INTELLIGENCE: Genius
CHARISMA: 18(100) (Democrats) / 12 (Republicans)
ALIGNMENT: Law Professor
SIZE: M
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: X/89,950* (* for impeachment)
Handsome, intelligent, charismatic, and he manages to sound absolutely wonderful ... but how do you know what else is lurking under that sleek exterior? The Obama's main advantage in combat is that he makes everyone else in the melee look absurdly aggressive or foolishly short-sighted, sapping their Charisma. Probably the lesser evil, so once you elect him you'll have the luxury of knowing you've been eaten by the right lizard god.
NOTE: I’m mainly posting this because I know some readers will get the humor in lines like “ALIGNMENT: Chaotic evil if under control of Cheney; otherwise Chaotic neutral.” On the other hand, it’s about as useful as anything CNN”s going to tell you about these people, so why not, Jim?
DISCLAIMER: I was a casual D&Der myself – never took it too seriously, couldn’t be bothered with the details, but I do understand the appeal. Champions Of The Galaxy was as involved as I ever got in RPGs. Even started my own competing wrestling league. So I was Jim Crockett to Tom Filsinger's Vince McMahon. Or something like that.
No dice,
This is dF
