EXTREME MAKEOVER: AIRPORT SECURITY EDITION

[defrog]

ITEM [via Threat Level]: The TSA is planning a total makeover of airport security lines to make passengers feel better about liquid bans, nipple ring removal, no-fly lists and all the other things they have to go through just to get on a plane that isn’t any safer.

The secret is ambient music – specially chosen to be "not too melodic, not too rhythmic" (Yanni? Percy Faith?), supplemented by light panels emitting colors in the "cooler end" of the spectrum, and reading material featuring blatant propaganda heartwarming stories about the security officers (to "put a face on and show the personal side of our screeners").

Like so.



Notice how this will help them spot terrorists. Or Henry Rollins, who might as well take Greyhound from now on.

I predict EPIC FAIL ... although I like that they call the place where you put yr shoes, belt and nipple rings back on “re-composure benches”.

I also like that they’re issuing new uniforms to go with the makeover. Because accessorizing is essential to national security.

For more information, see: Monty Python.

“Good morning, gentlemen. This is a security screening area combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The passengers arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...”

And so on.

Blackballing bastards,

This is dF

Comments

[garbagecanmusic.livejournal.com]

One of my avorite skits ever.
"Umm...excuse me, did you say knives?"
"Yes, rotating ones."

I'll be flying until they kick me off, but if I decide to take the GF anywhere, I think it will have to be by bus because she has a nipple ring. And if they say that she has to remove it, there will be violence.