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defrogPretty much everyone I know who entered NNWM this year hit 50,000 words something like three weeks ago, so I’ll be one of those people who finishes the marathon long after everyone else has gone to the hotel for the victory party, and they'll be asleep by the time I’m showered and dressed.
But that’s okay since – as predicted – I’ll barely be halfway through the story by November 30, so I’ll just file my word count, collect my certificate, and keep on writing. I hope to make it to the end before Christmas. I’m probably being way too optimistic.
I was hoping to finish in time to enter this year’s Bad Sex In Fiction Awards, but those were handed out on Tuesday. Just as well – this year’s winner, Rachel Johnson (whoever she is) sounds like a tough competitor:
Even if she hadn’t entered, I still would have had to defeat John Updike, who’s been nominated four years in a row, and wrote this gem:
See, all I have is a scene where a demented policeman kidnaps his former partner, ties him to a bed and sets three prostitutes upon him to “cure” him of his homosexuality – the punch line being that he’s not actually gay. And then there’s the opening scene where two men and two women have a foursome in an attempt to open a space-time portal to communicate with aliens. And ...
Well, maybe the competition will be light next year.
BONUS MATERIAL: More nominated bad sex scenes here. Some aren't all that bad, really – those being the ones that don't use words like "member", "vulva" and "glans". I mean, seriously, who uses those words outside of a biology class?
Spurting glans,
This is dF
But that’s okay since – as predicted – I’ll barely be halfway through the story by November 30, so I’ll just file my word count, collect my certificate, and keep on writing. I hope to make it to the end before Christmas. I’m probably being way too optimistic.
I was hoping to finish in time to enter this year’s Bad Sex In Fiction Awards, but those were handed out on Tuesday. Just as well – this year’s winner, Rachel Johnson (whoever she is) sounds like a tough competitor:
Johnson was singled out for her novel's slew of animal metaphors, including comparing her male protagonist's "light fingers" to "a moth caught inside a lampshade", and his tongue to "a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop". Literary Review deputy editor Tom Fleming was also disturbed by the heroine's "grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside".
Even if she hadn’t entered, I still would have had to defeat John Updike, who’s been nominated four years in a row, and wrote this gem:
"She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin," he writes. "God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea."
See, all I have is a scene where a demented policeman kidnaps his former partner, ties him to a bed and sets three prostitutes upon him to “cure” him of his homosexuality – the punch line being that he’s not actually gay. And then there’s the opening scene where two men and two women have a foursome in an attempt to open a space-time portal to communicate with aliens. And ...
Well, maybe the competition will be light next year.
BONUS MATERIAL: More nominated bad sex scenes here. Some aren't all that bad, really – those being the ones that don't use words like "member", "vulva" and "glans". I mean, seriously, who uses those words outside of a biology class?
Spurting glans,
This is dF
