WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY HAVE TO GIVE COMMUNION TO EVERY MOTHERF***ER IN THE ROOM

[defrog]

ITEM [via Def Agent lorilori ]: Nu-Life Products of Minnesota, which makes communion-wafer dispensers, is accusing its former president of patent infringement and misappropriation of trade secrets.

Which I mention mainly because I had no idea wafer-dispenser technology had grown this advanced:

What’s more, the portable devices, according to the lawsuit, “easily deliver communion to military personnel in combat situations and to people who are hospitalized, infirm or otherwise immobile.”

Among other things, Nu-Life Products of Minnesota claims it owns technology known as the “rapid reload system” for fast wafer loading and the “quad-rotator technology” allowing up to 400 wafers to be dispensed without having to be refilled.

Sounds bad-ass when you put it that way, doesn’t it?

I’m assuming this kind of technological advancement is the result of megachurches. When you’ve got 3,000 people to feed the body of Christ to, you want to keep the line moving so everyone can get home and watch football.

Or do megachurches do Communion?

Whatever – I love the idea of a wafer dispenser with a rapid-reload system. Though I think it's fair to ask: do soldiers really take Communion in combat situations?

Dispensing salvation at 30 wafers a second,

This is dF