WH AUDEN IS A DIRTY LITTLE SLUT

You know it’s the 21st century when the New York Times (a.k.a. al Qaeda HQ, if you believe everything Bill O’Reilly says) does a review on an American erotic poem anthology and actually uses words like “fellatio”. Progress! Thirty years ago – or even six months ago – readers would furiously cancel ther subscriptions over things like that.

Okay, so if you read the same article aloud on TV, the FCC would fine yr ass into bankruptcy. Probably.

Anyway, here’s what I learned from the review:

1. American poets actually do write erotica, even though we’re a Christian nation and stuff.

2. Most of it, according to the reviewer, isn’t that good – especially when it’s written by straight men. Unless John Updike wrote it. Then it’s fucking horrible.

3. The quality of erotic poetry is as subjective as any other form of erotica.

4. Theme-based poem anthologies are a bad idea.

5. If yr going to write an erotic poem, make it so naughty that even the New York Times can’t quote a single line from it.

WH Auden did. He wrote the best poem ever on the fellatios. You can read it here. It’s made of AWESOME.

Still, for my money, the best overall sex poem ever is this one by Jill Alexander Essbaum:

On Reading Poorly Transcribed Erotica

She stood before him wearing only pantries
and he groped for her Volvo under the gauze.
She had saved her public hair, and his cook
went hard as a fist.  They fell to the bad.
He shoveled his duck into her posse 
and all her worm juices spilled out.
Still, his enormous election raged on.
Her beasts heaved as he sacked them,
and his own nibbles went stuff as well.
She put her tong in his rear and talked ditty.
Oh, it was all that he could do not to comb.

Damn. I wish I’d written that.

The Satanic verses,

This is dF

ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?

Following up on the naughty poetry post – in which we learned that one man’s hot erotica is another man’s vomitfest – here’s an interesting post from Greta Christina [via Eros Blog, which is NSFW] on that very topic: sexual perspective.

Put country simple, when it comes to sex, you like what you like, but most of us lack the perspective to really accept the fact that other people like what you don’t like. Even if yr open minded enough to understand that some people like, say (let’s pick an obvious one) buttsecks, you can’t for the life of you see what’s so appealing about it.

Fairly obvious stuff – to me, anyway. And as Greta points out, we do the same thing with things like food and music – i.e. “How could you possibly eat broccoli/listen to Nickelback without spewing yr guts out?”

The difference, though, says Greta, is that we don’t put people in jail or send them to mental hospitals – or at least demand it – for liking broccoli or Nickelback.

Greta figures part of the reason is that we don’t talk about sexual fetishes as openly as we do about food and music:

People don’t come back to work on Mondays and chat about how they tried spanking over the weekend, the way they’ll chat about how they tried a new Moroccan restaurant or went to see a German funk band their brother told them about.

I reckon she’s got a point, though I think it’s something that’s going to take a very long time to accomplish. Apart from the obvious religious obstacles, one issue that makes it more complicated than food or music is that you may be speaking for someone besides yrself. You might be happy to tell yr workmates about this kinky new thing you tried with yr girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/boss/secretary/whoever, but maybe the girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/boss/secretary/whoever doesn’t want the whole neighborhood to know. Or vice versa. Which, incidentally, is one reason you don’t see any posts like that here. (The other being that what few readers I have would flee in awe and horror, never to be seen again.)

Plus, we’d never have another political sex scandal again, which would cause the mass media industry to collapse. So there’s an economic barrier right there. On the other hand, TV debate ratings would probably triple. “Senator, is it not true that the only reason you experimented with cock rings is because the Cock Ring Manufacturers Association included free samples with their generous campaign donations?” Yes. Imagine presidential debates sponsored by Adam & Eve and The Cone. [Void in Alabama, where they'll show reruns of Touched By An Angel instead.]

Seriously, though, there’s a lot of sociopolitical bugaboos to overcome before we get to the point where we can talk about sex as eclectically as we do about food and music. But I guess we have to start somewhere.

So. Who wants to go first?

I can wait all night,

This is dF

UNDERSEXED, UNDERRATED AND UNDER HERE

Cross-posted from thewhyfive. This week’s category: Top five underrated bands!

METHODOLOGY: One of the fun things about lists like this is how you define “underrated”. One hit wonder? Well, sometimes it’s a matter of geography. A band that was a one-hit wonder in the States might be huge in the UK or Europe. Then there’s the question of critical acclaim or influence vs actual record sales, as well as bands that were underappreciated at the time but are now regulars on VH1 specials.

Anyway, I decided to go with bands who are basically known for only one song, but who have back catalogs or albums well worth exploring. Also, I decided to stick with bands instead of solo artists.

TOP FIVE UNDERRATED DEF BANDS

1. The Knack
Because there was so much more to them than “My Sharona”. Get The Knack is one of the most underappreciated pop-punk records ever made.

2. Blue Oyster Cult
Because there was so much more to them than “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”. Granted, they filled stadiums at their peak, but I hate to see them relegated to “More Cowbell!” status without a higher appreciation of the other songs they did.

3. The Tubes
Because there was so much more to them than “She’s A Beauty”. The Tubes had a sense of humor that other glam bands lacked, and they knocked out tunes worthy of their late 70s/early 80s peers.

4. Lush
Because there was so much more to them than “Superblast!”. Also, Miki Berenyi has to be one of the most under-recognized lyricists ever.

5. The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band
Because there was so much more to them than “I’m The Urban Spaceman”, etc. Maybe their absurdist humor has limited appeal, but they were more than a novelty act. They were amazingly versatile musicians, plus they also had Neil Innes, one of the world’s most underrated songwriters.

HONORABLE MENTION: Tenacious D, Mothers Of Invention, Devo, Cheap Trick, dEUS, Skinless Julia (my own band circa 1991-1992. Seriously, we should have been massive. And we’d be household names today if our drummer hadn’t decided to move to Seattle because “that’s where the action is”).

BONUS LIST: FIVE DEF BANDS YOU MAY NEVER HAVE HEARD OF THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY GET TO KNOW

1. Mix Market
2. The Duke Spirit
3. Sons & Daughters
4. The Rogers Sisters
5. Jet Black Factory

Consult yr nearest Google toolbar for more information.

More than meets the eye,

This is dF

THE MEME INTERVIEWS, PART 382

Suddenly everyone’s posting memes. Must be the weekend.

All right, then. More things you should know about me (by order of popfiend, puffdoggydaddy and bedsitter23 – yr volume meme dealers):

1. I was born to write science fiction.

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from. And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi. Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics... Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Yes. Well, I’m working on it.

2. I’m a cat-headed woman.

Bastet You look for balance and harmony, anxious, devoted. Often rash and impatient. Colors: male: yellow ochre, female: grey Compatible Signs: Sekhmet, Horus Dates: Jul 14 - Jul 28, Sep 23 - Sep 27, Oct 3 - Oct 17 Role: Goddess of cats, women, and secrets Appearance: Cat or cat-headed woman Sacred animals: cat What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

3. I can feed a family of 16.

Try me with some rice.

Tasty,

This is dF