RE: THE SANTA MONICA MAFIA

[By order of  zen_kitty]

Dear loissanborn,

I thought you should know that the mafia wants you to consider a new line of work ASAP. I can’t say I blame them. When I quoted Santa Monica’s hotel rates to you over the phone, I didn’t think you’d actually turn up at the pier in in your camping car. If I’d known, I’d have warned you that you can’t ignore local open-container laws and public-thong ordinances – not in this town.

Now they want ME to explain what you meant by announcements like, “My avocado plant speaks Mongolic!” And while the consiglieres technically agree that “Extreme Home Makeover” sucks, they won’t be lining up to kiss your ring for blabbing it all over L.A. County – especially not with the blood-sample results pending.

It’s nothing personal, you understand. And if it’s any consolation, I never will forget that night we spent under the pier rubbing cocoa butter all over each other and dreaming up ways to invent time travel and ruin the second world war for everyone.

Go burn a mall,

This is def_fr0g_42


INSTRUCTIONS

Address this to the person who last commented in your journal.

( And then answer these simple questions... )

Took me a few minutes to figure this one out, for my mind is feeble and my eyes are tired, etc. But it’s more fun than those “Which Member Of Fall Out Boy Are You Totally Going To Marry?” so-called “quizzes”.

Pier pressure,

This is dF

GASOLINE DREAMS

Like many of you, when I need hard-hitting political analysis on the presidential election, I turn to the United States Bowling Congress. Because, as we’ve learned this election season, bowling scores matter.

Anyway, I don’t feel as though I’ve done enough to promote bedsitter23’s election posts. He's a USBC member, and not only has he done the best investigative reporting on the music tastes of all the presidential candidates, he is also currently based in Iowa, which means that he is constantly under pressure to keep the fridge well stocked in case a candidate stops by for a drink.

Anyway, he’s written the most sensible analysis I’ve seen so far on ObamaDoesn’t CareHowMuchYouBitterHicksPayForGasGate. Basically, Obama says he doesn’t support a gas tax summer holiday because it won’t work, and he knows it won’t because Illinois tried it once and it failed. Al Bedsitter, who is also from Illinois, offers expert witness testimony supporting Obama (and, by virtue of proximity, Charles Krauthammer).

Here’s some additional independent analysis from FactCheck (which each and every one of you should be checking daily anyway) showing why gas tax holidays don’t work.

Still, why let facts get in the way of a good election campaign?

It’s times like these that I feel the US are doomed to live under the Clinton/Bush dynasty forever. The way you win elections in the 21st century (and probably for much of the 20th) is by telling people what they want to hear, not what needs to be said. And every time Obama has tried the latter – by basically saying what he honestly believes – he’s been hammered for it. This is America – if we want reality, we’ll watch Moment Of Truth, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila and Scott Baio is 45 ... And Single.

It’s too bad, really. His political aspirations aside, and even though I don’t agree with him on all the issues, Obama seems like a decent sort. But then, as H.L. Mencken said (or maybe it was Art Buchwald), politics is no place for decent people. Or honesty. Let’s face it – pandering works, if you know yr audience. That’s how this game is played.

Which is why I find myself defending Obama a lot. I don’t know if he’d make a better president than Hillary or not. But I think he’s got more going for him than people give him credit for, and it just galls me to think that if he loses, it’s going to be because of his wacky pastor, his flagless lapel, his bowling score, his middle name and his tendency to say what he thinks (even if he does have this annoying tendency to backpedal). If that’s all it takes to lose a nomination, then maybe America truly does get the govt it deserves.

Especially the ones that bought SUVs. Ha ha.

BONUS TRACK: If you’ve ever wondered why the hell gas prices end in 9/10th of a percent, here’s yr answer.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I don’t own a car and I live outside the US, so it’s not like a gas tax holiday would benefit me anyway.

It’s a gas gas gas,

This is dF and I endorse this message