WORDS OF ADVICE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

When you need an excuse to post random quotes, the Internets is there for you to use.

Meme via drhoz (though I think I saw another one of you do this awhile back):

"Go here and keep hitting random quotes until you get five that resonate with you, then post them in your journal."

As usual, I’ll exceed my quota and give you ten.

TOP TEN DEF RANDOM QUOTES

1. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

2. We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear – fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of random terrorism, fear of getting down-sized or fired because of the plunging economy, fear of getting evicted for bad debts or suddenly getting locked up in a military detention camp on vague charges of being a Terrorist sympathizer. – Hunter S Thompson

3. Sex between two people is a beautiful thing ; between five it's fantastic. – Woody Allen

4. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. – Mark Twain

5. There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. – Kurt Vonnegut

6. Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. – H.L. Mencken

7. I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it. – Mae West

8. Nihilism is best done by professionals. – Iggy Pop

9. Ninety percent of everything is crap. – Theodore Sturgeon

10. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." – George Carlin

HONORABLE MENTION (it doesn’t “resonate” with me, but it makes me smile)

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. – Dorothy Parker

You can quote me on that,

This is dF

FUCK TURKEY SANDWICHES

By order of bedsitter23 (club) and puffdoggydaddy (ham):

You Are a Tuna Fish Sandwich

Some people just don't have a taste for you. You are highly unusual. And admit it, you've developed some pretty weird habits over the years. You may seem a bit unsavory from a distance, but anyone who gives you a chance is hooked! Your best friend: The Club Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Turkey Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

Interestingly, I have tuna sandwiches on a regular basis, as the bakery across the street from my office makes a wicked tuna on wheat – and for just HK$10.

But today, it's leftover pizza for lunch. As of right now.

You are what you eat,

This is dF

GOD, GUNS AND GAS ARE WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT

Speaking of bullets and right-wing car dealers ...



ITEM [via Neatorama]: If yr in Butler, MO between now and May 31, Max Motors has a special offer: buy a used car, get a free handgun.

Or a $250 gas card. Yr choice.

According to owner Mark Mueller, they’ve quadrupled their usual business, and everyone’s taken the gun except for an old guy and a Canadian.

My first thought was, “Where are they getting the guns?” Followed closely by, “So, what kind of gun do you get?”

Further investigation revealed that you don’t actually get a gun, but a $250 voucher for one. That makes more sense – that way, you can choose yr model (Mueller recommends the Kel-Tec P3AT .380 – perfect for sneaking into school). Plus, I couldn’t see state authorities allowing a car dealership to give away guns, not even in Missouri, where they do require background checks.

Even so, I do still wonder about these people who figure that they’d rather have a gun than $250 of free gas – especially these days.

Maybe it’s because the gas card would get used up too quickly these days, but you’ll have the gun forever. And you can use the gun to rob gas stations. “Teach a hungry man to fish, and you feed him for life,” etc.

Anyway, as right-wing business strategies go, I suppose it’s more sensible than telling 14% of yr heathen customer base to fuck off – although a quick visit to his Guns And Gas blog indicates that Mark is very much about the Christian America. Because any Christian will tell you that if Jesus were here today, he’d totally be packing heat. It's in the Bible and stuff.

I shot the devil,

This is dF