ADVENTURES IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

So I’ve been spending some time at the movies recently. Here’s what I’ve seen.

Journey To The Center Of The Earth 3D
Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. But not that great, either. It’s got a lot going for it – Brendan Fraser is a likeable and underrated action hero, and it’s truer to the source material than the Disney version (which, incidentally, I never liked) in that the plot hinges on a scientist proving that the book was actually non-fiction. Also, the Center Of The Earth looks pretty awesome. The main downsides include the whole male-bonding angle, which has been done a million times, and the fact that the film steals action scenes from at least three other movies without improving on any of them.

Then there’s the 3D thing. We saw the “special effects” version (where they spray water on you and create wind, etc), which is good fun. That said, as good as 3D is getting, I still think it works better for relatively stable shots, but gets blurry when fast action is happening. Also, J3D does that thing that all 3D movies do, which I hate: intentionally creating “coming at ya!” shots. It’s a classic case of letting the technology get in the way of the film and distract you from the story.

In this case, however, that’s probably a good thing. J3D is basically an excuse for showcasing James Cameron's new 3D technology. As a 3D thrill ride goes, it’s fun. As a standalone film, though, it’s pretty average.

Get Smart
More proof that Hollywood is out of ideas. That said, they do a good job with the idea of Maxwell Smart. The movie version stays reasonably true to its source material and employs a lot of the same kind of humor, which works more often than not (“I’ll take that briefcase now!” “If you want it, you’ll have to take it from me!” “That’s what I just said!” “I know, I’m just trying to annoy you!”). Credit to Steve Carell, who’s very good at this kind of comedy. He’s no Don Adams, but who is? Also, I have to give credit to a film that shows the head of a secret govt agency challenging the vice president to a fist fight and correcting the president’s pronunciation. (“NUCLEAR!”) Still, I'd just as soon they dropped the catch-phrases from the old show.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
I have to confess, I was never really into the Hellboy comics, and the story here about a rogue bad-ass elf prince trying to find the pieces of a crown he needs to command a robot army to take over the world is okay but a bit formulaic (plug in “elf prince”, “crown” and “robot army”, and yr off). That said, this movie has the same things going for it as the first: Guillermo del Toro’s awesome visuals, and good casting (Ron Perlman in particular). The Sapien love angle I could have done without, but otherwise, as comic book adaptations go, Hellboy’s one of the better efforts.

Oh crap,

This is dF

FOR ALL YR COVER SONG NEEDS

PRODUCTION NOTE: Regarding the Bad Cover Version series, you’ll be pleased to know that bedsitter23 has graciously taken me up on my offer to continue the series. And he’s off to a grand start with Europe’s “The Final Countdown”.

Looks like the series is in good hands. And leave it to Al Bedsitter to add the one thing I didn’t think of: audience participation.

If you haven’t added him already, I recommend you do so at yr earliest convenience – not just for this, but also for his top-notch presidential election coverage – which, for my money, whips the pants off anything CNN has. Not only is he a member of the United States Bowling Congress, he is based in the city that hosts the Shawn Johnson Butter Sculpture.

How’s THAT for credentials?

Unworthy,

This is dF

FUCK THE LA MARQUE FIRE DEPARTMENT

ITEM [via Don’t Tase Me, Bro!]: A 28-year-old single mother in La Marque, TX is arrested and handcuffed for saying “fuck” in a Wal-mart.

Kathryn "Kristi" Fridge was trying to get batteries ahead of Tropical Storm Edouard. When she found they were out, she said to her mom, “They're all fucking gone.”

Whereupon she was arrested. By a fire marshal. She was charged with disorderly conduct, a Class C misdemeanor.

Fuck.

No, really.

Granted, a Class C misdemeanor is just a fine, but that’s hardly the point. We’re not talking about someone cursing out a cashier at the top of their lungs and making a big scene. We’re talking about a passing comment directed at someone who wasn’t offended by it. I don’t know how loud she might have said it. I don’t care. The point is that Someone In Authority decided that Fridge must be Punished for speaking language he disapproved of, regardless of the context. There’s something horribly wrong with this mentality.

But of course, the fire marshal is being hailed as a hero for dealing with such a dangerous criminal ... at least to hear his boss tell it:

[La Marque Fire Chief Todd] Zacherl said he has received about 15 phone calls from people reacting to the incident. Several accused the assistant fire marshal of abusing his power, but most calls have been positive, Zacherl said.

"The rest [of the phone calls] are, 'Thank you, thank you, thank you,' " Zacherl said.

Yes. Thank you for saving us from the evil woman and her Evil Magic Spell Words. Because if we allow people to curse in Wal-marts, the terrorists win.

Fuck.

The end of words,

This is dF

SHOTGUN! YR TEACHER’S GOT ONE!

ITEM: Harrold Independent School District (of Harrold, TX) is set to become the first school district in the nation to allow teachers and staff to pack guns for protection when classes begin later this month.

Um, yay?

I predict disaster, personally.

To be fair, the school district has pretty strict rules on who gets to carry iron and who doesn’t. One requirement is that teachers must receive training in crisis management and hostile situations. They also can only use bullets designed to minimize the risk of ricochet in school halls.

However, human nature being what it is, the real question is to what extent anyone will bother to follow the rules, or how vigorously they’ll be enforced. More to the point, I expect that if any shooting does happen at these schools, it’s likely going to be the result of some student stealing a teacher’s gun.

Either way, I can’t really think of a good argument for allowing teachers to pack heat, as opposed to security guards (though I guess it's a money saver). This is the best argument Harrold Independent School District superintendent David Thweatt could come up with:

"When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started. Why would you put it out there that a group of people can't defend themselves? That's like saying 'sic 'em' to a dog."

I’ve read that ten times and I still don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

Whatever. It’s sad enough commentary that people have enough of The Fear to think they need teachers to be armed and be prepared to shoot one of their own students in self-defense.

RECOMMENDED READING: Bruce Schneier’s musings on how people tend to inflate risks, and why this is bad.

Schoolhouse lock’n’load,

This is dF