IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN YR PANTS, STAY THE HELL OUT OF MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA

ITEM [via Don’t Tase Me Bro!]: The Cramton Bowl, site of Montgomery, Alabama high school football games, is imposing a dress code on all fans, regardless of which high school you go to.

The code:

No oversized clothing, flip flops, short skirts, low-cut blouses, insignias and clothing that promotes illegal activities and violence.

Which is only really worth posting just so you can read a news story in which a grown woman says:

"You don't know if someone has something in their pants."

Also noteworthy: the police officer who claims that “enforcing the dress code at basketball games on campus has cut down on problems”.

I’d really like to see him prove that.

On the other hand, wearing certain t-shirts is a criminal offense in America now, so damn, Jim, I could be wrong.

FUN FACT: Dress codes are bullshit.

Undressed for success,

This is dF

YR NEW FAVORITE GOVT GREEDHEAD BAILOUT

One of the positive sides of having the economy collapse is that it’s gotten your presidential wannabes to argue about real issues again, instead of silly-ass fingerpointing over who’s the pig and who’s the lipstick.

I’m not an economist. I can barely balance a chequebook. So I’m not really in a position to say whose economic plan (which now probably has to be seriously revised anyway) is better, or if either of them matter.

But I do find myself looking back at the last time a Republican administration blew billions in taxpayer money to bail out greedy rich people who took deregulation and ran off the goddamn end of the earth with it.

Of course, that one had the added bonus of a political scandal: the Keating Five.

Remember them? No? Let's review:

The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s. The five senators, Alan Cranston (D-CA), Dennis DeConcini (D-AZ), John Glenn (D-OH), John McCain (R-AZ), and Donald W. Riegle (D-MI), were accused of improperly aiding Charles H. Keating, Jr., chairman of the failed Lincoln Savings and Loan Association, which was the target of an investigation by the Federal Home Loan Bank Board (FHLBB).

Wait, what?

After a lengthy investigation, the Senate Ethics Committee determined in 1991 that Alan Cranston, Dennis DeConcini, and Donald Riegle had substantially and improperly interfered with the FHLBB in its investigation of Lincoln Savings. Senators John Glenn and John McCain were cleared of having acted improperly but were criticized for having exercised "poor judgment".

Oops. Well, no wonder all this sounded familiar.

I’m kind of surprised this hasn’t come up yet. But then four of the Keating Five were Democrats, so I probably wouldn't go out of my way to bring it up either if I was Obama.

And let's face it, he really doesn't need to, does he?

Dirty sexy money,

This is dF

THE SOUND OF THREE (3) MOHAWKS CLAPPING

I sense that some of you are resisting the truth that Gatsby TV commercials are teh awesome. I gave you Charles Bronson undressing. I gave you SMAP self-love WITH Takuya Kimura. You are not impressed.

Okay. I’m breaking out the big guns.

I give you the most awesome mohawks ever.

If this doesn’t get you off, there’s nothing we can do for you.

Hold yr applause,

This is dF