WHAT HAPPENS IN MACAU STAYS IN MACAU

I’m back. And I’ve got a moment. Here’s what you missed:

Not much, actually. I spent the entire time either running about the exhibition floor of The Venetian chasing stories about $950 smartphones or mobile pr0n, or being sequestered in my room at The Landmark writing them, or shuttling somewhere between the two.

This little entry in my notebook (which I barely remember writing during a panel session on “collaborative applications”) is as good a summary of the experience as any:

( Here's where I jabber insanely for a few paragraphs ... )

Demented gibberish? Yes. But Macau seems to have that effect on me.

For those who don’t know, Macau is to Asia what Las Vegas is to America. Just about everything Hunter Thompson wrote about Vegas could apply to Macau on some metaphorical level, except that Macau has an older and more interesting history. Las Vegas was never taken over and ruled by Portugal and then returned to China, for example. Also, the food is really good in Macau. (To be fair, I haven’t been to Vegas since 1987, so don’t take my word for it.) Oh, and it makes more money than the Strip.

Other than that, it’s basically a gambling town, infused with that quiet sense of desperation and graft that seems to come with places that promise easy money to the marks and prestige to the high rollers. Granted, that’s mainly in the casinos. Still, it’s not something you want to immerse yrself in for too long, or even stand next to, if you want to hold on to whatever optimism you have left.

But who am I to be critical?

I shouldn’t be so negative, of course. Macau does have a lot going for it – it’s a unique blend of Chinese/Portuguese culture you won’t find anywhere else. It’s also one of the most fun street racing circuits ever. I just missed this year’s Formula 3 Grand Prix, which took place this past weekend. They still hadn’t taken down the guard rails on the streets yet. VROOOOOM!

Just as well. I might have felt as though I was assigned to cover the Mint 400, and then terrible flashbacks would have ensued. Finding yrself in the middle of a Hunter Thompson novel sounds like a good idea until yr Samoan attorney appears naked in yr room freaked out on acid and waving a giant hunting knife in yr face. The novelty wears off after that.

PRODUCTION NOTE: The photo of the Rio was taken from my room.

Delusions of grandeur,

This is dF

STEAL THIS JOKE

As you’ve probably heard, Monty Python has decided they’re sick of fans ripping them off by posting free Python videos on YouTube, and are fighting back by creating their own YouTube channel where they can rip off themselves with free video clips.

It’s a couple of years late, but it’s a great idea in theory. I’ve maintained for some time that the real attraction of YouTube is snippets of classic TV and films and music videos that people want to blog and share for whatever reason, and that fans are posting the clips because the copyright owners won’t do it themselves.

I don’t know that anyone in Monty Python has ever seriously complained about YouTube in the past, but they’ve got the right idea: put up clips that are authorized, shareable (as opposed to those stupid Universal Music videos where they disable embedding) and better quality, and then include links so you can buy the DVDs and other merch.

On the downside, they’re a bit slow on the upload – only 20 clips so far. Also, I’m wondering if (1) fans will keep uploading Python clips in the meantime, and (2) if Python would consider including fan mash-ups like the one that remixes the Black Knight scene as a Star Wars outtake.

It’s a fair cop,

This is dF

HOLY DIVER: YR DOING IT WRONG

ITEM: A Wisconsin man is charged with assault after beating up a guy in a karaoke bar for a substandard performance of Dio’s “Holy Diver”.

Which is just wrong. You don’t beat up a guy because he can’t sing like Ronnie James Dio. You set him on fire. Or hack him apart with a flaming Claymore. Or perhaps both.

Just kidding. And be fair: Dio songs are hard to sing correctly, let alone well.

Also, the victim claims it wasn't his singing that set the guy off but the fact that he responded to the heckling by making fun of his heavy metal crucifix:

"I told him he should find a better vending machine for his jewelry," Mischler recalled.

See? And you thought karaoke bars were for housewives and little girls.

FUN FACT: A year and a half ago, a man was punched out by a woman who thought his karaoke version of a Coldplay song "really sucked”. My first thought: how could you tell?

HOMEWORK: For reference, here’s how to do “Holy Diver” correctly.

Fire is optional. The sword is mandatory.

Diver down,

This is dF