THIS IS THE THANKS YOU GET

Most of you aren’t here today due to the Thanksgiving holiday, which is as well since I don’t really have anything Thanksgiving-related to share with you. Obviously we don’t celebrate it out here, and as I explained last year, that’s just fine with me and Mike Lupica. And great as they are, you can only post Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant”, William Burroughs’ “Thanksgiving Prayer” and Wild Turkey jokes so many times.

But I’ve got NaBloPoMo obligations and all, so seeing as how many of you are off today, this is as good a time as any to bore you with Thai politics.

Here’s what’s going on in Thailand right now:



It’s complicated but basically the govt opposition has been demanding the current govt resign, and isn’t taking no for an answer. This is how we do democracy out this way, you see. The BBC has as good an explanation as yr going to get, if yr interested.

What does any of this have to do with Team Def? Not much, except that (1) I know people there, and (2) the bridal unit was supposed to fly to Bangkok this morning with a group of friends on a church retreat.

They’d be there now if the PAD hadn’t decided to storm the flight tower in the hopes of finding out the PM’s flight schedule so they could meet him at the airport and kick the living shit out of him until he agreed to step down. Still, at least they had the decency to do this the day before KT’s trip rather than, say, this morning. Or afterwards. Landing wouldn’t be a problem, since the old airport still works, but her group decided to cancel mainly because it might be harder to get out than to get in.

Still, it could be worse. Her group could have decided to go to Mumbai.

Interesting times, as they say.

Anyway, enjoy yr turkey and football.

Thanks for all the fish,

This is dF

NANOWRIMO 2008 UPDATE: SEX SEX SEX,THAT’S ALL THEY THINK ABOUT

Pretty much everyone I know who entered NNWM this year hit 50,000 words something like three weeks ago, so I’ll be one of those people who finishes the marathon long after everyone else has gone to the hotel for the victory party, and they'll be asleep by the time I’m showered and dressed.

But that’s okay since – as predicted – I’ll barely be halfway through the story by November 30, so I’ll just file my word count, collect my certificate, and keep on writing. I hope to make it to the end before Christmas. I’m probably being way too optimistic.

I was hoping to finish in time to enter this year’s Bad Sex In Fiction Awards, but those were handed out on Tuesday. Just as well – this year’s winner, Rachel Johnson (whoever she is) sounds like a tough competitor:

Johnson was singled out for her novel's slew of animal metaphors, including comparing her male protagonist's "light fingers" to "a moth caught inside a lampshade", and his tongue to "a cat lapping up a dish of cream so as not to miss a single drop". Literary Review deputy editor Tom Fleming was also disturbed by the heroine's "grab, to put him, now angrily slapping against both our bellies, inside".

Even if she hadn’t entered, I still would have had to defeat John Updike, who’s been nominated four years in a row, and wrote this gem:

"She said nothing then, her lovely mouth otherwise engaged, until he came, all over her face. She had gagged, and moved him outside her lips, rubbing his spurting glans across her cheeks and chin," he writes. "God, she was antique, but here they were. Her face gleamed with his jism in the spotty light of the motel room, there on the far end of East Beach, within sound of the sea."

See, all I have is a scene where a demented policeman kidnaps his former partner, ties him to a bed and sets three prostitutes upon him to “cure” him of his homosexuality – the punch line being that he’s not actually gay. And then there’s the opening scene where two men and two women have a foursome in an attempt to open a space-time portal to communicate with aliens. And ...

Well, maybe the competition will be light next year.

BONUS MATERIAL: More nominated bad sex scenes here. Some aren't all that bad, really – those being the ones that don't use words like "member", "vulva" and "glans". I mean, seriously, who uses those words outside of a biology class?

Spurting glans,

This is dF