GREAT MOMENTS IN MARKETING: NOW THAT IS A TASTY BURGER

Good morning.

And now, by the grace of YesButNoButYes, a gratuitous video of Padma Lakshmi eating a bacon burger. In a most provocative manner.

It’s for a Carl’s Jr commercial, evidently. Naughty monkeys.

DISCLAIMER: Not an endorsement of Carl’s Jr, Hardee’s or Top Chef (which doesn’t particularly interest me – in fact, I didn’t even know who Padma Lakshmi was until now).

However, Team Frog does approve the bacon content of this post.

As does puffdoggydaddy , I presume.

Big and juicy,

This is dF

THE MEME INTERVIEWS, PART 401: FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME

By order of pussreboots :

1.    Who was your FIRST prom date? How many prom dates does one have? I ask because I didn’t go.
2.    Do you still talk to your FIRST love? No. I don’t even know where she is. If I did, I doubt we’d have much to say to each other.
3.    What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Budweiser, from a Budweiser stein, administered by my dad. I was six. Didn’t like it. Still don’t.
4.    What was your FIRST job? Lawn mower man.
5.    What was your FIRST car? I drove other people’s cars until I was kicked out of the military and bought my first and last car – a new 1988 Subaru Justy 5-speed hatchback. Silver. Named it “Horse”. Not a chick magnet, but the gas mileage was awesome and it was so small you could park it in impossible places. Or, failing that, you could fold it up and carry it with you. GOD I loved that car.
6.    Who was the FIRST person to text you today? No one.
7.    Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? The renovators with the giant drills upstairs. I wished death upon them.
8.    Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Miss Bostick. She was the loudest woman I would ever meet until 5th grade.
9.    Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? El Paso, TX for boot camp at the comically named Fort Bliss. I’m told I flew to the UK when I was a toddler, but I don’t remember it.
10.    Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? Brian from the other side of my block. No idea where he is now.
11.    Where was your FIRST sleep over? Brian’s house, probably.
12.    Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? The bridal unit.
13.    Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? I don’t understand the question. If you mean the first wedding I attended that wasn’t mine, probably my sister’s first one (of three, bless her).
14.    What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Woke up.
15.    What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Styx, Paradise Theatre Tour, 1981. I burn yr Internet connection with coolness, I know.
16.    FIRST tattoo? Pending.
17.    First piercing? See: FIRST tattoo.
18.    First foreign country you've been to? West Germany. (See also: #9)
19.    FIRST movie you remember seeing? Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original, you silly people)
20.    When was your FIRST detention? Probably 8th grade, for getting my ass kicked behind the portables or some similar infraction.
21.    What was the FIRST state you lived in? Fear
22.    Who was your FIRST roommate? A med student named Kevin. I still owe him five dollars. I feel bad about that to this day.
23.    If you had one wish, what would it be? That’s not a FIRST question, but my one wish would be that I had a second wish that was guaranteed to actually give me what I ask for without some unforeseen and horrible monkey’s paw consequences. Cos I’m not falling for that one.
24.    What is something you plan on doing in the next month? Sleep.
25.    Who was the LAST person you talked to? The bridal unit.

First, last and always,

This is dF

REAL MEN DON’T WATCH PORN, THEY DEFEAT IT WITH THEIR BARE HANDS

ITEM: Possibly the creepiest thing I’ll see today: Purity Boot Camp.

It’s a 16-week military-themed Christian program to help men stop looking at Internet porn. They dress up in camoflage (so that Temptation can’t see you, I think) and at the end: "Confess your sins, then go over to the foot of the cross and plant your white flag of surrender on purity hill”.

Seriously.

God knows what they actually do to the participants to get them to stop looking at porn. Maybe they get R. Lee Ermey to scream at them. “HOLY JESUS, WHAT IS THAT? DID YOU A COPY OF PLAYBOY INTO MY BELOVED CORPS?!”

Or maybe they take a page from John Hagee's Encounter Weekends.

Anyway, the organizers claim a 92% success rate.

The other 8% presumably now watch stuff like this:



Result!

Generally, this kind of thing doesn’t worry me too much, as long as it’s voluntary and doesn’t infringe on the rights of the rest of us to watch as much porn as we can stand without blowing a fuse. If you really want to wallow in guilt over having sexual thoughts like a normal human being, go right ahead. I’ll be over here enjoying some threesome porn, thanks.

That said, I find the military theme a little disturbing. When hardcore religious people start donning military uniforms, I get nervous.

It’s also highly ironic, given the porn collections of many of the guys in my various platoons when I was in the military. Also, if the point of a military-themed purity boot camp is to “surrender”, doesn’t that send mixed messages? I realize the point is that yr surrendering to Jesus (a mixed message in itself), but would it kill them to frame it in terms of victory? You know, something like: “If porn is terrorism, you just defeated al Qaeda, son!”

But then that isn’t really the point, is it?

BONUS TRACK: An official video from the National Purity Coalition.

Jesus is watching you masturbate,

This is dF