WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY HAVE TO GIVE COMMUNION TO EVERY MOTHERF***ER IN THE ROOM

ITEM [via Def Agent lorilori ]: Nu-Life Products of Minnesota, which makes communion-wafer dispensers, is accusing its former president of patent infringement and misappropriation of trade secrets.

Which I mention mainly because I had no idea wafer-dispenser technology had grown this advanced:

What’s more, the portable devices, according to the lawsuit, “easily deliver communion to military personnel in combat situations and to people who are hospitalized, infirm or otherwise immobile.”

Among other things, Nu-Life Products of Minnesota claims it owns technology known as the “rapid reload system” for fast wafer loading and the “quad-rotator technology” allowing up to 400 wafers to be dispensed without having to be refilled.

Sounds bad-ass when you put it that way, doesn’t it?

I’m assuming this kind of technological advancement is the result of megachurches. When you’ve got 3,000 people to feed the body of Christ to, you want to keep the line moving so everyone can get home and watch football.

Or do megachurches do Communion?

Whatever – I love the idea of a wafer dispenser with a rapid-reload system. Though I think it's fair to ask: do soldiers really take Communion in combat situations?

Dispensing salvation at 30 wafers a second,

This is dF

DON’T TASE THEM, BRO

ITEM [via Def Agent lorilori , again]: A federal appeals court in San Francisco has set down new rules for when police officers are allowed to use Tasers. Specifically: you can’t use them just because someone mouths off at you but is otherwise non-violent.

Like, you know, children and the elderly.

Sounds promising, though of course there are fears that this kind of ruling will make it harder for cops to use Tasers in cases where they are justified.

What’s more interesting is that the Taser’s bad rep has generated a cottage industry of other non-lethal technologies that stand to benefit from a Taser backlash:

We have recently seen a rash of new devices aimed at police forces, including assorted laser dazzlers and pepper ball guns as Taser alternatives. There are also portable pain beams in prospect, both microwave and infrared laser varieties, not to mention various acoustic blasters. The ruling is likely to lead to more experimentation, both technical and in the courts, to find out just what the acceptable level of pain and suffering is and how it can best be delivered.

The ruling is also a potential boost for devices such as the LED Incapacitator, which does not rely on pain but other physiological effects (disorientation, loss of balance and nausea). Funding of more advanced non-lethal devices using assorted electromagnetic effects to paralyze or otherwise disable painlessly may also become more attractive.

Wonderful things we can do with technology these days, eh?

Get down,

This is dF

SATAN: SCI-FI FANBOY

Yr fundamentalist warning of the day:



The usual suspects are there, though he forgot obvious anti-Christian sci-fi writers like Father Andrew Greeley, John C Wright, Tim “Rapture Me!” Lahaye and CS Lewis.

On the plus side: he actually acknowledges Kurt Vonnegut as a science-fiction writer.

Progress!

That’s not science,

This is dF

THE EYE OF GAGA IS WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE

ITEM: Lady Gaga is a puppet of the Illuminati.



You can tell from all the clues. Because ultra-secret societies that control the world always give you clues. That’s why they’re so secret.

The LA Weekly sums up ten really obvious clues (from Vigilant Citizen) here.

Sample:

4. In the "Bad Romance" video Gaga "makes her trademark 'Eye in the triangle' hand gesture after her initiation to make it clear who owns her now...the Illuminati. The final scene shows Gaga lying in bed with the burned skeleton of the Russian mafiosi. Notice how everything is burnt except the two gazelle heads. The real "intercourse" happened between Gaga and Baphomet. The guy was a tool, a middle-man who was sacrificed in the process of Gaga's initiation."

Or, you can watch this informative documentary film.

"Stan Freberg - "Banana Boat (Day-O)"" (Watch on YouTube)

Poker faced,

This is dF