I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING BABY EXCEPT THE TRUTH (TEACHER’S EDITION)

First of all, this is as good a place as any to say “Welcome” to the recent batch of newcomers to this blog doodad. Because yr about to find out just who you’ve gotten yrselves involved with.

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Previously on Senseless Acts Of Bloggery:

3 Lies and a Truth

INSTRUCTIONS: Pick the one you think is true and put yr answer in the comments. If you get it right, I'll respond to you via the LJ inbox probably repost this with the correct answers.

The truth shall be revealed now.

1. I once made sweet love in the front seat of a Cadillac whilst watching Tarantino's Pulp Fiction at a drive-in movie theatre.

STATUS: True.

I can’t give you any more details than that (not here, anyway), for a gentleman never tells. But it’s 100% true. What I CAN tell you is that (1) yes, there were still drive-in theatres in operation when Pulp Fiction came out and (2) this particular incident marked the sixth time I’d seen it on the big screen. So it’s not like I was missing anything.

2. I made it to the quarterfinals of the Austin Peay State University Foosball Championship of 1991.

STATUS: False.

I’m not aware that there even is such a thing as a Foosball Championship at APSU. There wasn’t when I was there, at any rate.

3. I have attended a Space Shuttle launch (not inside the control room, but at the NASA causeway).

STATUS: False.

I’ve always wanted to, but I’ve never had the chance.

4. Whilst on a press trip sponsored by a company, the PR person for said company hired a prostitute to come to my hotel room for “entertainment purposes”.

STATUS: False.

It’s interesting that most people picked this one. And to be fair, I will admit that I didn’t spin it out of thin air. Something SIMILAR did in fact happen to me once. But if you think I’m going to tell you about that, yr insane. (See answer #1, above.)

Now you know.

Steaming up the windows,

This is dF

GAY PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES, PART 1: HOMO SUPERIOR IN MY INTERIOR

It’s LGBT Pride Week, you know. At least in Toronto. But there are events in other cities this weekend as well, if not all week long.

So you know what that means here @ the Def Citatel: another week-long themed playlist!

Let’s start with the obvious – a song pro-gay enough to get itself banned by the BBC in 1981.

FUN FACT: Technology fans may like to know that Shelley is sitting next to a Commodore PET computer in the video (as well as the album cover).

Observe.

 

You remember those, of course.

Me and you sir,

This is dF

PING PONG ZOMBIES! SUSHI ZOMBIES! GEISHA ZOMBIES! SAMURAI ZOMBIES!

For those of you who thought Zombie Strippers wasn’t weird enough, Japan is proud to bring you Big Tits Zombie 3D, the live-action version of horror manga Kyonyu Dragon.

The plot, such as it is [via Nippon Cinema]:

Sola Aoi, JAV idol and possibly the only J-celeb capable of racking up ~50k Twitter followers in a few weeks,  stars as a stripper named Rena Jodo who’s offered a gig at a hot springs resort upon returning from Mexico. Unfortunately, the place is nearly abandoned. Rena and four of her fellow strippers become extremely bored and decide to check out the basement where Maria (Mari Sakurai) discovers a “Book of the Dead”. She proceeds to read it, triggering a zombie outbreak which claims her and two other strippers. The newly zombified Maria becomes the leader of the zombie horde and attempts to establish a new zombie kingdom, leaving it up to Rena and Ginko (Risa Kasumi) to stop them.

Coming to a DVD player near you August 4.

CONSUMER ADVISORY: May not actually be in 3D.

Cash cash cash,

This is dF

THE BP GULF OIL DISASTER OF 2010: SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE FROM ROLAND EMMERICH

ITEM: You know that oil thing in the Gulf, and the hurricane that may or may not be on the way?

That’s the least of yr problems.

Turns out the well is sitting on a huge methane gas deposit, and it’s now believed to be leaking, which is creating the risk of a massive gas explosion that could fracture the ocean bottom for miles and – apparently – create at least two HUGE TOXIC TSUNAMIS that will drown the entire Gulf coast.

Cascading Catastrophe Scenarios

1. Loss of Buoyancy
Huge methane gas bubbles under a ship can cause a sudden buoyancy loss. This causes a ship to tilt adversely or worse. Every ship, drilling rig and structure within a ten mile radius of the escaping methane bubble would have to deal with a rapid change in buoyancy, causing many oil structures in its vicinity to become unstable and ships to sink. The lives of all the workers, engineers, coast guard personnel and marine biologists -- measuring and mitigating the oil plumes' advance and assisting with the clean up -- could be in some danger. Therefore, advanced safety measures should be put in place.

2. First Tsunami with Toxic Cloud
If the toxic gas bubble explodes, it might simultaneously set off a tsunami travelling at a high speed of hundreds of miles per hour. Florida might be most exposed to the fury of a tsunami wave. The entire Gulf coastline would be vulnerable, if the tsunami is manifest. Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and southern region of Georgia might experience the effects of the tsunami according to some sources.

3. Second Tsunami via Vaporisation
After several billion barrels of oil and billions of cubic feet of gas have been released, the massive cavity beneath the ocean floor will begin to normalise, allowing freezing water to be forced naturally into the huge cavity where the oil and gas once were. The temperature in that cavity can be extremely hot at around 150 degrees celsius or more. The incoming water will be vaporised and turned into steam, creating an enormous force, which could actually lift the Gulf floor. According to computer models, a second massive tsunami wave might occur.

At which point an apology from Joe Barton Tony Hayward probably isn’t going to cut it.

DISCLAIMER: I can’t vouch for the scientific accuracy of this scenario, though it sounds a little more plausible than the other major catastrophe scenario – i.e. “Hurricanes will turn New Orleans into one big petrol bomb waiting to happen.”

If it helps, BP has officially responded to the story. They say there’s nothing to worry about.

Which is comforting, all things considered.

Flirtin’ with disaster every day,

This is dF

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EDITED TO ADD [7.17.210]: Turns out it's hokum. Which technically means that BP was right about something.