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Emergency op-ed from Team Def Political Voodoo Priest Lucky Bensonhurst.
It is an election year. My editor demands copy. “Send me visions of the future! Eight thousand words! You have two hours!”
Well, why not? I am a professional, and I can pound these out in my sleep. I often do. I’m doing it right now, in fact. Which explains the plus-size lingerie-clad cabana ladies in my bungalow. One is giving me a pedicure. The other one is chopping up coconuts with a machete for the pina coladas the third one will be engineering as soon as she’s done massaging my nose.
So. To business.
ITEM: Mitt Romney is blowing it.
Well, maybe not. He’s not out of the running yet. But between his reaction to the anti-American riots overseas and his theories about Obama’s support base, a lot of Republicans probably wish they’d gone with Anyone But Mitt after all.
Not that they necessarily disagree with what he said about any of those things. Indeed, every Republican worth his/her mettle sees the dead Ambassador to Libya mainly as ammunition they can use against Obama and other Muslims. But not while the body’s still warm, for God’s sake.
In any case, as Mitt has about 3.5 years less foreign policy experience than Obama, the GOP’s strategy has been to sell him as a guy who understands both the problems of working-class Americans AND how to bring America Inc. into the black. But Mitt is making it clear to more and more people that he knows about the working class about as much as a cocaine-addicted monkey knows about Lehman Brothers. This is, after all, the man who thinks $200k a year counts as middle-class.
Perspective!
But then I find it fucking disingenuous that a millionaire who only pays 13% in taxes when he’s supposed to be paying 35% thinks the solution to the deficit and unemployment is to give people like himself a tax cut as an incentive to create jobs, so I would say that, wouldn’t I?
Anyway.
If Mitt keeps talking “off the cuff”, he’s going to find it increasingly difficult to take control of his image, what with essentially handing Team Obama material so good it needs no editing or rewrites.
Take his and Ann Romney’s appearance on ABC's "Live! With Kelly and Michael”, in which Mitt tries to pass himself off as human (as opposed to a robot), and instead portrays him and the missus as the Whitest, Straightest, Couple In America:
Fucking gaaaaaaaah.
Okay. Maybe it’s just me. But reading that, I liked him better as a robot.
Granted, that won’t cost him the election. It fucking well should. But it won’t.
But then it’s worth remembering that Mitt is doing as well as he is in the polls mainly because has a built-in GOP base fueled by fear and loathing for Comrade Imam Hussein Obama, and because he has Paul Ryan in his corner (who himself is in the comical position of having voted into place some of the govt policies that Romney is criticizing Obama for).
So no matter what big dumb things Mitt says between now and November, that support isn’t going anywhere, if only because it’s got nowhere else to go, and they’re so terrified/outraged at the prospect of a second Obama term that they’re not likely to risk a conscience vote with Gary Johnson.
The indie/mod vote is another matter. And he’s not exactly endearing himself to them.
But then neither is Obama.
And the size of the indie voting bloc, incidentally, is getting bigger.
Fun times, eh Jim?
L. Bensonhurst
It is an election year. My editor demands copy. “Send me visions of the future! Eight thousand words! You have two hours!”
Well, why not? I am a professional, and I can pound these out in my sleep. I often do. I’m doing it right now, in fact. Which explains the plus-size lingerie-clad cabana ladies in my bungalow. One is giving me a pedicure. The other one is chopping up coconuts with a machete for the pina coladas the third one will be engineering as soon as she’s done massaging my nose.
So. To business.
ITEM: Mitt Romney is blowing it.
Well, maybe not. He’s not out of the running yet. But between his reaction to the anti-American riots overseas and his theories about Obama’s support base, a lot of Republicans probably wish they’d gone with Anyone But Mitt after all.
Not that they necessarily disagree with what he said about any of those things. Indeed, every Republican worth his/her mettle sees the dead Ambassador to Libya mainly as ammunition they can use against Obama and other Muslims. But not while the body’s still warm, for God’s sake.
In any case, as Mitt has about 3.5 years less foreign policy experience than Obama, the GOP’s strategy has been to sell him as a guy who understands both the problems of working-class Americans AND how to bring America Inc. into the black. But Mitt is making it clear to more and more people that he knows about the working class about as much as a cocaine-addicted monkey knows about Lehman Brothers. This is, after all, the man who thinks $200k a year counts as middle-class.
Perspective!
But then I find it fucking disingenuous that a millionaire who only pays 13% in taxes when he’s supposed to be paying 35% thinks the solution to the deficit and unemployment is to give people like himself a tax cut as an incentive to create jobs, so I would say that, wouldn’t I?
Anyway.
If Mitt keeps talking “off the cuff”, he’s going to find it increasingly difficult to take control of his image, what with essentially handing Team Obama material so good it needs no editing or rewrites.
Take his and Ann Romney’s appearance on ABC's "Live! With Kelly and Michael”, in which Mitt tries to pass himself off as human (as opposed to a robot), and instead portrays him and the missus as the Whitest, Straightest, Couple In America:
Mitt Romney snores, loves Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and secretly admires Snooki on MTV's "Jersey Shore." Ann Romney hogs the blankets, irritates her husband by leaving the cap off the toothpaste and once walked in on former President George W. Bush getting a massage while exploring the White House.
Fucking gaaaaaaaah.
Okay. Maybe it’s just me. But reading that, I liked him better as a robot.
Granted, that won’t cost him the election. It fucking well should. But it won’t.
But then it’s worth remembering that Mitt is doing as well as he is in the polls mainly because has a built-in GOP base fueled by fear and loathing for Comrade Imam Hussein Obama, and because he has Paul Ryan in his corner (who himself is in the comical position of having voted into place some of the govt policies that Romney is criticizing Obama for).
So no matter what big dumb things Mitt says between now and November, that support isn’t going anywhere, if only because it’s got nowhere else to go, and they’re so terrified/outraged at the prospect of a second Obama term that they’re not likely to risk a conscience vote with Gary Johnson.
The indie/mod vote is another matter. And he’s not exactly endearing himself to them.
But then neither is Obama.
And the size of the indie voting bloc, incidentally, is getting bigger.
Fun times, eh Jim?
L. Bensonhurst
