DEF XMAS PLAYLIST #13: CHOP IT OFF, CHOP IT OFF

[defrog]

You’ve heard by now, of course, that Josh Groban’s Christmas album has defeated Elvis in the category of “consecutive weeks a Christmas album has held #1 on the Billboard charts”. Which is kind of a drag if yr not a fan of Groban. Which I’m not.

I’m not sure what Groban’s secret is, but I think one reason it’s taken so long for someone to defeat Elvis’ record is in part because not too many people do entire albums with a Christmas theme. And even if yr normally a bankable platinum seller, doing a Christmas album doesn’t guarantee a #1 slot for more than, like, a week. Just ask Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera and, um, Billy Idol.

Anyway, if I had to pick a Christmas album that I wish would have been the one to defeat Elvis, it would probably have to be Christmas With The Vandals – if for no other reason than we could have Christmas songs about sex changes.

Sample track: “My First Christmas As A Woman”. [Images NSFW, which is why I waited til the weekend to post this one. Am I not swell?]

With Christmas upon us it's time to be honest
and follow my dreams and to face
a life of delusion and gender confusion
no longer will be the case

I never wanted army men or basketballs,
I only wanted pantyhose and Barbie dolls
And dressing up in mother's clothing.

My whole life I've been feeling only feminine
It always seemed so useless trying to be a man
Now that's a ghost of Christmas past

Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.

And I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should-
It's my first Christmas as a woman

A doctor reconstructed my genitals
And now I'm waiting underneath the mistletoe
for a guy who could love a girl like me.

I took the hormones and I got my breasts
This season's gonna be the best to me.

I won't have to tuck it behind me
Since I got my brand new vagina
It's my first Christmas as a woman.

Chop if off! Chop if off! Chop if off!
My penis, chop it off
It's no use to me.
Cut it off!
Chop it off! Chop it off!
My penis, cut it off so I can finally be
A Woman...

Now I'm finally happy cuz I made my goal
to be a post operation transsexual.
now I'm a pretty lady

Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.

Cuz I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should
It's my first Christmas as a woman

See also:  “I Don’t Believe In Santa Claus” and “A Gun For Christmas”.

Available here.

Oi to the world,

This is dF