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defrogWhen we last tuned in, our hero and his plucky bridal unit KT were forced to postpone a two-day visit to a Chinese hot spring resort due to teh typhoons. They rescheduled. On Monday, they went, they saw, they soaked. Report follows.
VENUE: Gudou Hot Spring Resort. Which looks like this.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: Rain rain rain ... I see you read Spinrad ... scoring Chivas Regal in Doumen ... poolside at the hot tub disco ... buried alive in hot sand ... fish eat my toes ... I boil an egg in a hot spring ... night market noodles as my waiter enjoys a cigarette ... the Olympics, perhaps you've heard of them ... no lunatics allowed in the pool ... Chinese certatinly rice carves characters [sic] ... even in rain, I burn ...
The sun never shines on TV,
This is dF
VENUE: Gudou Hot Spring Resort. Which looks like this.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: Rain rain rain ... I see you read Spinrad ... scoring Chivas Regal in Doumen ... poolside at the hot tub disco ... buried alive in hot sand ... fish eat my toes ... I boil an egg in a hot spring ... night market noodles as my waiter enjoys a cigarette ... the Olympics, perhaps you've heard of them ... no lunatics allowed in the pool ... Chinese certatinly rice carves characters [sic] ... even in rain, I burn ...
THE HIGHLIGHTS
1. IMMIGRATION!
Which is worth mentioning because I got pulled over to the side going in and out of China for some additional passport checks. No cavity searches or anything, but they were clearly under orders to give US/foreign passports some automatic extra scrutiny. Not sure if this was to do with extra Olympics security or the fact that Doumen port doesn’t see a lot of foreign traffic. Either way, they took an interest in my Norman Spinrad book (though not enough to confiscate it).
To be fair, they were very polite about it the entire time. So I bought a bottle of duty-free Chivas Regal on the way back to show my appreciation. (That and it cost about half what it would cost me in HK. I am assuming, of course, that it’s real Chivas and not a local rice wine or rubbing alcohol with Chivas Regal flavoring. Which, this being China, could very well be the case.)
2. HOT SPRINGS!
Not enough of them, and too crowded, thanks to a couple of tour groups on-site at the time. The funny part was where KT and I were sitting in a hot spring by the pool, when the platform in the middle of the pool lit up with water jets and someone began DJing Hi-NRG disco tunes. Everyone jumped out of the pool and onto the platform and danced. It was like an instant hot tub disco. Very 70s. The only thing missing was complimentary cocaine.
3. HOT SAND!
Our package included being buried in hot sand for 15 minutes. Really. It’s therapeutic, apparently, though what I got out of it mostly was the sensation of feeling my circulation system pulsing away throughout my body. I also felt like a museum exhibit as other tourists walked by to look at us. And of course there’s the sheer joy of bursting out of the sand at the end shouting “BRAAAAAIINS!” Which the local children found amusing.
4. HOT FISH!
Also included in the package was a fish pedicure (as seen on CNN), where reddish log sucker fish nibble the dead skin off yr feet. Not at all painful, but it does take some nerve to watch swarms of little fish chow down on yr feet. Giggled like a maniac the entire time, I did. But it’s the kind of thing I’d only do for free. And of course I imagined the fun you could have if you swapped them for piranhas.
5. HOT FOOD!
Actually, the food was okay but not spectacular, except for the local sour fish hot pot we tried, and the noodles we got at a night market across the street – which is also where I had the pleasure of having my order taken by a waiter while he was smoking a cigarette. You don’t see that too much anymore.
The real highlight, however, was hard-boiling an egg in a hot spring. Not one you swim in – one made for just such a purpose. Put it in a net, dip it in, wait eight (8) very long minutes, remove, peel, enjoy.
6. OLYMPICS OLYMPICS OLYMPICS!
Oh, YOU know. They even had a projection TV at the pool.
7. WATER PARKS!
There was also a water park nearby, which was included in the package. We checked it out, but apart from nice scenery (like that bridge up there in the mosaic), it was basically a pool with a fake beach and strange random mascot. The real highlight was the Physical Check-Up Notice out front warning that lunatics aren’t allowed. It’s the law.
Another sign worth pointing out: a souvenir stand offering “Chinese certatinly rice carves characters” [sic].
And so much for Gudou. All up, it was an interesting trip, but we’re not likely to go back. The Imperial Hot Spring in nearby Zhuhai was better overall.
Oh, and it rained most of the time. As you can see from the pictures. This isn’t necessarily a drawback at a hot spring resort, but it’s not exactly a sunny holiday either. But then I burn easily. Hell, I got some sunburn this trip. And the sun was only out for, like, 20 minutes. So let it rain.
1. IMMIGRATION!
Which is worth mentioning because I got pulled over to the side going in and out of China for some additional passport checks. No cavity searches or anything, but they were clearly under orders to give US/foreign passports some automatic extra scrutiny. Not sure if this was to do with extra Olympics security or the fact that Doumen port doesn’t see a lot of foreign traffic. Either way, they took an interest in my Norman Spinrad book (though not enough to confiscate it).
To be fair, they were very polite about it the entire time. So I bought a bottle of duty-free Chivas Regal on the way back to show my appreciation. (That and it cost about half what it would cost me in HK. I am assuming, of course, that it’s real Chivas and not a local rice wine or rubbing alcohol with Chivas Regal flavoring. Which, this being China, could very well be the case.)
2. HOT SPRINGS!
Not enough of them, and too crowded, thanks to a couple of tour groups on-site at the time. The funny part was where KT and I were sitting in a hot spring by the pool, when the platform in the middle of the pool lit up with water jets and someone began DJing Hi-NRG disco tunes. Everyone jumped out of the pool and onto the platform and danced. It was like an instant hot tub disco. Very 70s. The only thing missing was complimentary cocaine.
3. HOT SAND!
Our package included being buried in hot sand for 15 minutes. Really. It’s therapeutic, apparently, though what I got out of it mostly was the sensation of feeling my circulation system pulsing away throughout my body. I also felt like a museum exhibit as other tourists walked by to look at us. And of course there’s the sheer joy of bursting out of the sand at the end shouting “BRAAAAAIINS!” Which the local children found amusing.
4. HOT FISH!
Also included in the package was a fish pedicure (as seen on CNN), where reddish log sucker fish nibble the dead skin off yr feet. Not at all painful, but it does take some nerve to watch swarms of little fish chow down on yr feet. Giggled like a maniac the entire time, I did. But it’s the kind of thing I’d only do for free. And of course I imagined the fun you could have if you swapped them for piranhas.
5. HOT FOOD!
Actually, the food was okay but not spectacular, except for the local sour fish hot pot we tried, and the noodles we got at a night market across the street – which is also where I had the pleasure of having my order taken by a waiter while he was smoking a cigarette. You don’t see that too much anymore.
The real highlight, however, was hard-boiling an egg in a hot spring. Not one you swim in – one made for just such a purpose. Put it in a net, dip it in, wait eight (8) very long minutes, remove, peel, enjoy.
6. OLYMPICS OLYMPICS OLYMPICS!
Oh, YOU know. They even had a projection TV at the pool.
7. WATER PARKS!
There was also a water park nearby, which was included in the package. We checked it out, but apart from nice scenery (like that bridge up there in the mosaic), it was basically a pool with a fake beach and strange random mascot. The real highlight was the Physical Check-Up Notice out front warning that lunatics aren’t allowed. It’s the law.
Another sign worth pointing out: a souvenir stand offering “Chinese certatinly rice carves characters” [sic].
And so much for Gudou. All up, it was an interesting trip, but we’re not likely to go back. The Imperial Hot Spring in nearby Zhuhai was better overall.
Oh, and it rained most of the time. As you can see from the pictures. This isn’t necessarily a drawback at a hot spring resort, but it’s not exactly a sunny holiday either. But then I burn easily. Hell, I got some sunburn this trip. And the sun was only out for, like, 20 minutes. So let it rain.
The sun never shines on TV,
This is dF
