I CAN'T CONTROL THE KITTENS. TOO MANY WHISKERS! TOO MANY WHISKERS!

[defrog]

Yr new favorite blog this weekend is Sleep Talkin’ Man, a collection of things allegedly said by a man in his sleep, transcribed by his wife.

Sample quotes:

"Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for."

"Well that's just great. Peanut butter in my crack. Goddamnit."

"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."

"Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"

"Awesome. Teddy bears bungie jumping."

"Well if I'm the douchebag, you're the contents, Titfuck!"

"Look out! Marshmallows!"

"I love the fact you're a moose. Yes. So soft, so soft."

I’ve no idea how authentic these are. But with lines of this quality, who am I to be critical?

Now that someone’s put this on Reddit, it’ll be interesting to see how long it takes for this blog to get a TV deal.

RIYL: Shit My Dad Says.

Put the lobster down,

This is dF