ELEVEN-MINUTE WARNING

[defrog]

I don’t watch American football. Which is why many people (all of them Americans, of course) have often asked me, “dEFROG, dude, what do you have against football?”

Well, contrary to what you expect, it’s not because of the usual criticisms – i.e. it’s a billion-dollar metaphor of primitive American consciousness embodied in institutional alpha-male champion violence encouraged by beautiful sexed-up busty young women with the ultimate objective being land acquisition by force dressed up as wholesome, patriotic entertainment.

All of which is technically true. But I don’t have a problem with that in itself. I like wholesale sex and violence as much as the next person.

The reason I don’t really like watching football – and I’ve been saying this for years now – is that nothing happens.

Seriously.

You don’t believe me. I know. But look, science proves it. According to a study by the Wall Street Journal (the world's most trusted source in sports journalism), the average amount of time the ball is in play on the field during an NFL game is about 11 minutes.

In other words, if you tally up everything that happens between the time the ball is snapped and the play is whistled dead by the officials, there's barely enough time to prepare a hard-boiled egg. In fact, the average telecast devotes 56% more time to showing replays.

See?

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know they’re just monkeying around with math here, and that the pauses, planning and running down the clock are actually part of the overall game. But in all seriousness, the start-stop nature of play is really a key reason why I don't care for football. Even without actual delay tactics or disputes or time-outs, it’s just irritating.

No wonder the fans get so worked up.

Any given Sunday,

This is dF

Comments

[dferguson.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on this one, bro. I get the same reaction when I tell people I don't watch football. It's just not interesting to me. And it baffles me that every time there's a play they require an entire team of referees to huddle together and decide on how to call the play. The referee conferences taking longer than the actual play itself.

I'll watch football with one of my friends or my brother-in-law (especially if there's booze, beer and food involved) so they can explain it to me but watch it by myself? Nah. I'll stick to movies and baseball, a sport I understand and for me has a lot more excitement than football.

[def-fr0g-42.livejournal.com]

Baseball I get, at least as far as game-play goes. Yes, it's slow, but it flows better.

[thelastaerie.livejournal.com]

you probably know that I know next to nothing about American football, apart from the fact that it looks very much like rugby played with protective gear. I watched one superbowl final and honestly had no idea who was winning and there are just too many stoppages.

you know some people who oppose introducing video-review and all other "stop and check" to English football is that they've looked at American football and found that the flow of the game is vastly disrupted. I am not saying there shouldn't be some "stop and check" to resolve dispute, but I think they should only happen in two situations: 1. when there's a goal involved 2. when there's red card involved. Otherwise, let the ball flow, please.

[def-fr0g-42.livejournal.com]

The "stop and check" thing is fairly recent in US football (I think), but I saw it in action once during a trip to the US and someone somewhere was watching a game on TV and I saw them stop the game for one. Not only did it really slow up the game, it also seemed like the equivalent of trying to get a court decision overturned out of convenience. I don't know if there's a limit to how many "stop and checks" you can use in a game; otherwise, what's to stop a coach from contesting every call that works against his team?

Personally, I think bad calls are just part of the game, regardless of the sport. People only hate them when it's against their team anyway.

[garbagecanmusic.livejournal.com]

I think you said in the past that you've never seen an American football game all the way through, which I find so fascinating.