THERE’S GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE

You may not be able to tell from yr Friends page – which means this is all probably $19.95 down the drain for no reason at all – but as of yesterday, this blog is officially bought and paid for by Russians Team Def International.

For the next 12 months, anyway.

Why wait til April 1st? Because that’s how my sense of humor works. And because the paid account of my abandoned blog expires this Saturday.

I almost considered staying with the Basic account, if only because they’ve been discontinued. But as I’ve said before, I don’t mind giving LJ my money in exchange for establishing my little personalized corner of the metaverse where I can howl and shake my voodoo stick at you people all day. Plus, it’ll be nice to be able to post from the mobile phone again. And, for those of you with Plus accounts, I don’t have to look at yr ads for urinary tract infections anymore.

Besides, six user pics is not sufficient. Yes. Must have MORE! This is INTERNET 2008! User pics are the new cash!

Hmm. Yes. Well, anyway, here’s hoping LJ doesn’t make me regret it with some silly random DOJ-suck-ass censorship policy like they have over on the Yahoos, or selling itself to some Nigerian spam farm. Or that I don’t blow it by mindlessly endangering national security again.

Money changes everything,

This is dF

EXTREME MAKEOVER: AIRPORT SECURITY EDITION

ITEM [via Threat Level]: The TSA is planning a total makeover of airport security lines to make passengers feel better about liquid bans, nipple ring removal, no-fly lists and all the other things they have to go through just to get on a plane that isn’t any safer.

The secret is ambient music – specially chosen to be "not too melodic, not too rhythmic" (Yanni? Percy Faith?), supplemented by light panels emitting colors in the "cooler end" of the spectrum, and reading material featuring blatant propaganda heartwarming stories about the security officers (to "put a face on and show the personal side of our screeners").

Like so.



Notice how this will help them spot terrorists. Or Henry Rollins, who might as well take Greyhound from now on.

I predict EPIC FAIL ... although I like that they call the place where you put yr shoes, belt and nipple rings back on “re-composure benches”.

I also like that they’re issuing new uniforms to go with the makeover. Because accessorizing is essential to national security.

For more information, see: Monty Python.

“Good morning, gentlemen. This is a security screening area combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The passengers arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...”

And so on.

Blackballing bastards,

This is dF