MOVE IT ON OVER

And we’re back. More or less. Did you miss me, Internets?

[Teh Internets blinks. “You were gone?”]

No surprise. I turned on the Internet yesterday and the first thing I saw was the chair of the Georgia Republican Party declaring John McCain the new Jesus.

I’m not kidding.

So clearly you’ve had plenty of other things to keep you entertained.

Right.

The story so far:

Spent Saturday and Sunday and most of Monday morning packing frantically with a 100º fever and whacked out on high-quality prescription medicine, whilst almost calling the whole thing off after a near-fatal argument with the landlord’s brother over a bad wax job.

Monday, we relocated Team Def HQ to an undisclosed location on the other side of Disco Bay. It rained all day. For effect.

We’ve been spending the last couple of nights sleeping on futon mattresses in the old flat (which we don’t have to surrender to the new owners until Friday) because we had to wait for the new toilets to be installed. The cement dried this morning, so with any luck I’ll be sleeping in my own bed tonight.

In the meantime, we have no Internets, as we ripped out all the modems in the old place, and the Installation Si-fu won’t be ready to install them in the new place until tomorrow. Which is why I’m posting from public hot spots between now and then. I could post at work, of course, but that’s a felony these days, I believe. Yes. Under the Patriot Act, if I’m not mistaken. So is stealing yr neighbor’s Wi-Fi, which I’d be doing now if my neighbors hadn’t learned how to tick the security box in their access point setup wizard. Progress has a price, after all.

Meanwhile, we’ve much yet to do. Like sell/dump/set fire to all the stuff we didn’t move. Then there’s the unpacking. You know that final scene in Raiders Of The Lost Ark? The one in the govt warehouse full of crates? Imagine all those boxes crammed into about 850 square feet of space. That’s what the inside of the new flat looks like right now.

On the bright side, my fever’s gone and I still have medication left. I plan to wash it down with the rest of the cheap Scotch after we finish unpacking. To celebrate.

But not now. Much to do.

I’m about a mover,

This is dF

TWITTERDUMP 05.21.08: HELLO FROM BOOBYLAND

It’s been too long since the last Twitterdump, so let’s get this out of the way:

defrog Dana Perino says Bush says he's serious about shooting the Quran. Wait, what? He shot a Quran? http://snurl.com/29uyi

defrog Few things inspire confidence in yr safety like seeing yr lifeguard on a smoke break. It's part of their training. Toughens the lungs, see?

defrog A kid sticks his head in the Disco Bay McD's and tells his friend: "Hey Mel, I'll be in Boobyland!" And I'm like: we have a Boobyland?

defrog Today's taxi driver is all about the personal grooming. He can trim his beard, clean his teeth, oil up his arms AND drive simultaneously!

defrog Listening to Pale Saints and eating Oreos on the way to the fitness center. Or am I doing it wrong?

defrog Destroying the music industry by making backup copies of CDs I paid for. Take THAT, evil Corporate Music Suits! Let the Veronicas starve!

defrog is waiting for the Macau ferry between a couple playing pattycake and a suit drinking a coffee far too large for his body mass.

defrog Overheard on a Hong Kong ferry just now: "My cab driver's from Dallas." Wait, what?

defrog Enjoying Typhoon Signal No.3. Wind, rain, coffee, LOLpr0n – life is good.

defrog T-shirt zen: "We eat bagels too."

defrog Watching the Pope arriving in the US and ... wait a minute, are those screaming teenage girls I hear in the background? Pope groupies?

defrog  is floating his brain in Early Times – which explains his sudden urge for porn and karaoke.

Obviously some of these are a month old.

These Twitters are clean,

This is dF

SCIENCE THE LORD TAUGHT US

ITEM [via Warren Ellis]: A survey reveals that 16% of US science teachers are Creationists, and one in eight high-school biology teachers teach Creationism as valid science.

I suppose the good news is that the other 84% of science teachers aren’t religious fanatics – unlike the 38% of Americans who would rather schools teach Creationism instead of evolution in science classes.

Still, that breaks down to a pretty big number of students who are going to graduate from high school thinking that Darwin caused the Holocaust.

Dumb and dumber every day,

This is dF