MORE SENSELESS ACTS OF BLOGGERY

... But someone did it for him.



Not anymore.

Twitter, which has been shutting down fake Twitter accounts (which is to say, accounts claiming to be famous people but really aren’t, kinda like the Fake Steve Jobs site), finally got around to shutting down the Fake Christopher Walken Twitter site.

That’s a damn shame.  It was one of the funniest things on Twitter.

More sample entries:


I figured from the get-go that Christopher Walken wasn’t really writing these. But it was funny to imagine that he was. It’s a genius concept, and one that really shows the value of Twitter as an entertainment medium.

And Twitter went and killed it.

Thanks, Twitter.

Bring back the cowbell,

This is dF

Twitters from the road:

defrog It's times like when the global economy is on the brink of doom that I wish I actually knew how the economy works. http://snurl.com/24cd0

defrog Resetting my Flickr filters to "obscene" and reading the Community Guidelines, which asks me not to do what I just did. DO NOT WANT.

defrog is bathing nude in public and drinking complimentary Singha in a national park. Good evening, Phuket! dEFROG loves you!

defrog THEORY 1: Pranksters or competitors are randomly rearranging the Singapore Borders shelves every 10 min, making corrections impossible.

defrog THEORY 2: The Singapore Borders decided alphabetation was overrated years ago.

defrog That technique you've seen for young lovers to dry hump on escalators? Singapore invented that. Or pwned it.

defrog PowerPoint emergency! Pls send steak sandwiches, bourbon and hookers to Room 301 immediately!

defrog Now experiencing heavy censorship in Terminal 3, Changi Airport. Def blog, no. BoingBoing, no. Truthout, no. Violet Blue, yes. Wait, what?

defrog Why why WHY do people send me press releases like "Cisco + Second Life = The Hospital of the Future"? How long, O Lord?

defrog The new Charles Manson album is out now. Wait, what?  http://snurl.com/23gab

defrog ITEM: Abstinence-only sex ed = teens think drinking Mtn Dew stops pregnancy. On the other hand, it IS Florida. http://snurl.com/23fgn

FUN FACT: I’m not joking about the Borders thing. Well, maybe a little. But there are so many books and CDs misfiled there that either someone’s deliberately moving things around to the point where staff don’t bother trying to sort it out anymore, or it’s not in their job description, or it’s their way of telling customers, “If yr too dumb to know where to put a book back, you get the Borders you deserve” or something.

One thing I can safely rule out is lack of command of English. Singapore’s English proficiency is more than sufficient. And besides, they don’t have the same problem over at the Kinokuniya in Ngee Ann City.

The Terminal 3 Censorship thing is also odd, as I’ve never had a problem with blocked URLs in Singapore – not even in the other two airport terminals. Tech glitch? Bad day? Who knows?

No response,

This is dF

Meanwhile, over in Twitterdom:

defrog Michele Bachmann fights for yr right to use energy-wasting light bulbs because global warming is bullshit anyway. http://tinyurl.com/yq6x8m

defrog FLA cop tases 11-yr-old girl. It's like we're fighting terrors by showing 'em how fucking violently insane we are. http://tinyurl.com/3yoja6

defrog The TSA says nipple rings are dangerous weapons. And they're not saying that just cos they want to see tits. http://tinyurl.com/2d8ruf

defrog Now that pilots have guns, Americans are safer. Sadly, the same can't be said for the planes. Oh well, whatever. http://tinyurl.com/2lemkw

defrog MEMO: Pilots with guns on planes = a Safer America. Passengers with nipple rings on planes = Grave Danger. Are you getting all of this?

defrog Mexico says: We don't need no stinkin' emos! I'm paraphrasing, but seriously, emo-bashing is the new fun. http://tinyurl.com/25ze3l

defrog Best PR spin of the day: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos." http://tinyurl.com/2oxtqe

You know, I used to gather these kinds of stories under a series whose main theme was fear. Maybe I need a Twitter account dedicated to just that.

Fear all the time,

This is dF

I’ve been bothering the Twitters a lot this week:

defrog "How much Bloodsport for the gentleman today?" "About three inches, please." http://threeinchesofbloodsp...

defrog ITEM: "Yuma, AZ goes medieval on Mexicans". Or, "Keeping out foreigners is good for the environment." Whatever. http://tinyurl.com/2j4pbq

defrog And I thought I was the only one writing lesbian science-fiction. Though mine's more like lipstick-lesbian SF ... http://tinyurl.com/2gljzb

defrog RESEARCH BULLETIN: Homemade M&M cookies = WIN. M&M cookies made by the M&M company = EPIC FAIL.

defrog Does everyone on Facebook curse the day they ever accepted that filthy goddamn FunWall invite, or is it just me?

defrog And BTW, my SuperPoke has no setting for "mace" or "waterboarding" or "national security letter demanding private user info". WTF, Facebook?

defrog To say nothing of a "Enrique gigantic fuckstick". I need one. Once you get poked with one of those, you stay poked, goddammit.

defrog I REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY NEED TO SWITCH TO DECAF! OR CUT MY AMERICANOS WITH BOURBON! OMG I CAN SEE FOREVER!!

defrog Via @warrenellis: American water spiked with recycled pharmaceuticals thanks to our love for prescription drugs. http://tinyurl.com/2j4pbq

defrog BREAKING: American trad journalism pwned by Internet cos not enough Britney memes, LOLcats and conservative bias. http://tinyurl.com/35esar 

defrog Bush fights for America's right to waterboard whoever, whenever. McCain winces. Obama/Hillary are like, whatever. http://tinyurl.com/2nh4er

I’m still trying to decide which one is funnier: the Bloodsport thing or the sheriff of Yuma County building a moat for security purposes.

Cry me a river,

This is dF

Recent missives on the Twitters:

defrog "Mall Ninja" is the loneliest job that you ever knew. http://lonelymachines.org/m...

defrog Conservative Christians: giving both science fairs AND home schooling a bad name. And that's not very funny. http://tinyurl.com/26buou

defrog Thursday is Furious Lady Day at the Central Library. Apparently.

defrog On the Twitters, no one knows yr a houseplant. http://tinyurl.com/2oyem8

defrog In future, al Qaeda will recruit a droid army to invade America. http://tinyurl.com/2rlhs8

defrog MEMO: In FLA, the f-word offends dogs. http://tinyurl.com/2oxdgg

defrog In future, if you say "fuck" on yr cell phone, the FCC can fine AT&T for indecency. Progress! http://tinyurl.com/38rhhv

FUN FACT: I’m about 75% sure the Mall Ninja was my roommate in the Army. In which case I can verify that he had the ninja uniform and the “special shoes” circa 1986-87. Which is braggable.

Real ultimate security guard,

This is dF

Meanwhile, over on the Twitters:

defrog Movie of the year: Harold And Kumar Go Waterboarding. Gitmo say, "That's not funny." H&K say, "Whatever, losers." http://tinyurl.com/2vrvlb

defrog America: where life is on a 'need to know' basis. And we don't need to know where fucking Hungry is, okay? http://tinyurl.com/2txeth

defrog The Clinton/Obama healthcare plans: the same, only different. http://tinyurl.com/2zpdt4

defrog John McCain does not support torture. Unless the CIA does it, then it's cool. http://tinyurl.com/2amjmg

defrog Would Jesus let a woman referee men's basketball? Not in Kansas he wouldn't. http://tinyurl.com/27p8po

The Harold And Kumar thing is particularly interesting. It’s a classic case study of very VERY bad PR management. The Pentagon complains that everyone is unfairly jumping to conclusions about the “reality” of Gitmo, and yet by Gitmo’s very nature – as well as the current admin’s tendency to stage-manage everything it shows us and then be caught lying its collective ass off over and over and over again – the whole operation so secretive that they can’t show people what it’s really like.

This is what happens when you force people to fill in your blanks for you. Here you have the most powerful country in the world and an alleged champion of human rights and due process jailing hundreds of people who are supposedly too dangerous to let go free but somehow not guilty of anything they can actually be charged with, and the govt’s only rationale for this is, “Trust us, we know what we’re doing.”

What other conclusions did they expect the rest of us to draw?



By “us” I’m not including the Fox News camp, obviously.

DISCLAIMER: I’ve never seen Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle. I suspect it’s aimed at a younger demographic, but if any of you recommend it, I might chance it.

It’s about pot, right?

FUN FACT: I could go for a White Castle about now. Maybe they’ll open one here in the next 30 minutes.

Hip to be square,

This is dF


EDITED TO ADD [3 hours later]: After the initial post, I kept thinking about it some more, and it occurred to me that setting a Harold & Kumar movie in Gitmo tells us something about the state of American culture these days. I’m not sure what, exactly, but expressed in the form of a multiple choice question, it might look like this:

A. Despite the efforts of the Bush Admin to suggest otherwise, we are smart enough to know a gulag when we see it.

B. Light comedy is the only way you can ever get us to even notice serious issues (which is why Jon Stewart is a more trusted source of news than real journalists)

C. The Gitmo issue is so trivial to us that you can make light entertainment out of it and we’ll think it’s funny because fuck it, it’s not like we know anyone imprisoned there.

D. Guantanamo Bay? That’s in Florida, right? So it’s like Alcatraz or something?

E. All of the above.

Something like that.

I dunno. I doubt the writer-directors are trying to make any political statement as such, but I’m sure when the movie comes out, some people will read too much into what is basically a stoner comedy, and others will complain that it’s making light of a really serious issue. But it’d definitely be a statement of some kind if this movie does more to cause serious debate about Gitmo in America than anything the mainstream news media has ever done about it.

Missives from the Twitters:

defrog Immigrants are stealing combat jobs from American soldiers. Wait, what? http://tinyurl.com/2fb7qm

defrog Bisexuality: not just a trendy nightclub thing. http://tinyurl.com/22xbv5

defrog Wow, Bush really DID lie about Iraq. Lucky for him Heath Ledger died. http://tinyurl.com/2uq47e

defrog Wow, MPAA really DID lie about piracy. Luckily, etc etc http://ap.google.com/articl...

defrog Photographing America is the white man's burden. http://www.nytimes.com/2008...  

defrog Just what we needed: a better cockroach. http://en.rian.ru/science/2...

defrog Food prices going up. Impact on Whopper Freakout ads: ka-ching! http://tinyurl.com/2kmeg9

defrog Operating two laptops at once. Somehow not getting twice as much work done. My loafing productivity has tripled though.

defrog Seeing if whiskey is suitable treatment for neck burns ..................................... no.

PRODUCTION NOTE: Please do not send hate mail about the Heath Ledger remark. The point I was making was this:

When you have two stories competing for national attention – one about a drug-related celebrity death, and the other about a study offering definitive quantitative proof that the sitting president and his administration lied 935 times to get us into a war we now can’t get of and has killed tens of thousands of people so far – you know which one the American news media is going to obsess over for 48-72 hours straight at the expense of almost every other piece of news.

Which can only be good news for the Bush Posse.

Though, to be fair, the idea that Bush wasn’t being totally square about Iraq isn’t exactly news. Not to those of us who paid attention the first time.

I know. I’m being difficult. Anyway, just so you know I don’t think Heath Ledger’s death is funny. Unlike, oh, John “I May Be A Douchebag, But I’m A Well-Paid Doucebag” Gibson.

You’re not funny,

This is dF