A ONE-MAMA MASSACRE SQUAD

That would be TNT Jackson, then.



Good morning. Welcome to Monday. Hope you survive.

From Harlem to Hong Kong,

This is dF

ELEVEN-MINUTE WARNING

I don’t watch American football. Which is why many people (all of them Americans, of course) have often asked me, “dEFROG, dude, what do you have against football?”

Well, contrary to what you expect, it’s not because of the usual criticisms – i.e. it’s a billion-dollar metaphor of primitive American consciousness embodied in institutional alpha-male champion violence encouraged by beautiful sexed-up busty young women with the ultimate objective being land acquisition by force dressed up as wholesome, patriotic entertainment.

All of which is technically true. But I don’t have a problem with that in itself. I like wholesale sex and violence as much as the next person.

The reason I don’t really like watching football – and I’ve been saying this for years now – is that nothing happens.

Seriously.

You don’t believe me. I know. But look, science proves it. According to a study by the Wall Street Journal (the world's most trusted source in sports journalism), the average amount of time the ball is in play on the field during an NFL game is about 11 minutes.

In other words, if you tally up everything that happens between the time the ball is snapped and the play is whistled dead by the officials, there's barely enough time to prepare a hard-boiled egg. In fact, the average telecast devotes 56% more time to showing replays.

See?

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know they’re just monkeying around with math here, and that the pauses, planning and running down the clock are actually part of the overall game. But in all seriousness, the start-stop nature of play is really a key reason why I don't care for football. Even without actual delay tactics or disputes or time-outs, it’s just irritating.

No wonder the fans get so worked up.

Any given Sunday,

This is dF

YR GOING TO REGRET THIS

I get email.

Sometimes it has things like this attached to it.



Which is nice.

One thing I like about this – apart from the Leia’s Metal Bikini angle – is that it’s an interesting image regardless of the context. The narrative construct of Return of The Jedi is what contextualizes it, but imagine what someone who has never seen RotJ would make of what is, outside of the Star Wars continuum, basically a statue of a scantily clad female slave strangling a giant moon-faced slug with the chains that bind her to it.

Post-feminist statement? Asphyxiatic tentacle bondage pr0n? A metaphor of US political discourse?

Yes, these are the things I think about at two in the morning after a few whiskeys.

Break the chain,

This is dF