McCAIN IN THE MEMBRANE

[defrog]

I just had this bizarre dream where John McCain made his acceptance speech at the RNC and announced his new campagn slogan: “Change is coming!”

“Jesus,” I thought in the dream as I stared at the empty bottle of Wild Turkey to my left, “I need to lay off this stuff. I could have sworn I just heard McCain totally pwn Obama’s entire campaign theme.”

“That bottle’s been empty since July,” said the bridal unit next to me without looking up from her hand puppets. “And yr not sleeping.”

“What? This cannot be,” I muttered. “He’s fucking with me. Or he’s gone mad. He hasn’t slept since Nam and for the last year he has sat in bed in a cold sweat hugging a pillow and hearing that Jesus-y voice chanting ‘Change, change, change’ with a spooky reverb effect. It’s gotten to him. Yes. He’s finally snapped, or the LSD he dropped with John Kerry and Martin Sheen in Da Nang that’s been lying dormant and trapped in his body fat since 1970 has broken loose. It’s the only explanation. Because otherwise, surely he must know that everyone’s onto him. Even Peggy Noonan pegged his selection of a hot lady governor as transparently cynical. Surely he wouldn’t go this far?”

But he has.

Lock up yr daughters and hide the liquor. Change is coming.

I don’t think that word means what you think it means, Senator, etc.

I’m sure Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann and bedsitter23  have this covered, so there’s no need for me to go on at length about McCain’s voting record backing Bush almost 100% these past two years, or the fact that where they do disagree, it’s on certain details (and where McCain might differ with Bush on a few points, Palin more than fills that gap, especially in regards to energy and global warming).

But this is as good a time as any to make my personal Def Guarantee to the American People®: if McCain and Palin win the election, they will not change a blessed thing in Washington.

Sure, there’ll be some noticeable differences. For one, McCain will likely run the country as though he’s living on the same planet as the rest of us instead of some mystical alternate reality. Things like that.

But all this talk about maverick outsiders out to kick some Beltway ass? I promise you, when 2012 comes around, the entrenched corporate-funded Washington political machine will be working the same way it does now and very much untroubled by these so-called mavericks of which you speak. Feh.

Incidentally, that will be true if Obama wins, too. Obama has more cred on the Change message, but only because (1) he’s better at telling it, and (2) well, duh, he’s with the opposition party – which, unfortunately, is too similar to the GOP these days, so even that’s not going to amount to much.

Granted, Obama will bring change in at least one way that McCain could never do: re-establishing goodwill with the rest of the planet (except the usual Axis O’ Evil, and Pakistan). And yes, he’ll probably raise taxes through the roof (because just who did you think was going to pay for Bush’s spectacular failures – these guys?). He might do other worthwhile things. But change Washington? Not a chance.

I am a cynical bastard, yes. I fully expect to be disappointed by Obama, if only because Bubba Clinton sold me the same line in ‘92, and while in some ways Clinton did all right, he fell way short of what he promised us. But I still haven’t forgiven him for signing the Defense Of Marriage Act, one of the most meaningless pieces of legislation ever written (and that’s saying something), so I would say that, wouldn’t I?

Ah well. Enough politics for now. Take us out, Neil Young.

Singing a song won’t change the world,

This is dF

PRODUCTION NOTE: Headline blatantly stolen from Andy Kindler, who said it on Letterman the other night. And yes, it's about 70% of the excuse for writing this post in the first place. Bit, you know, as long as I'm up and typing ...

Comments

[thelastaerie.livejournal.com]

So you think there's not much difference whether McCain or Obama wins? How about a "this is more like it" pat on the shoulder from the rest of world if Obama wins?

[def-fr0g-42.livejournal.com]

No no, let me be clear on this: an Obama presidency would be far better than a McCain presidency, especially in terms of international relations. It would also be more rational, less prone to secrecy and at least willing to hear someone else's POV. But Obama tends to frame his "change" message in terms of shaking up Washington, and on that level, it's simply not going to happen.

[garbagecanmusic.livejournal.com]

Any thoughts on the Libertarian ticket? Bob "Homo Hater" Barr and Wayne Allen "I love, LOve, LOVE RONALD REAGAN!!" Root? It's like they kicked me in the fucking nuts.

[def-fr0g-42.livejournal.com]

Personally, I fell out of love with the Libertarians when they started blathering about privatizing the police and fire departments. I'm for smaller government, but not THAT small. If Mike Gravel (another fine Alaskan) had won their primary, I'd have a little more hope for them, but any party that would nominate Bob Barr for president is not one I want to have anything to do with.