MORE SENSELESS ACTS OF BLOGGERY

As a telephones journalist, I get emails.

Sometimes they’re warnings from security companies about the latest mobile-phone malware and spam.

For instance:

If you ever get an SMS from someone telling you to download an app called “Infrared X-Ray” that lets you use yr phone camera to see through ladies clothing and take pictures of them?



Don’t do it. The app doesn’t take “x-ray” pictures so much as steals yr contact data, uploads it to servers in Singapore and Atlanta, try to bill you for fake services, and spams all the people in the contact list it just stole from you.

And all because you wanted to see that cute coffee girl at Starbucks with her clothes off. In which case …

Dude. Seriously?

According to Symantec (the company that sent me the warning), there are similar apps out there, so the general rule of thumb should be: don’t ever download an app direct from a text message or email, even if it appears to be from someone you know.

Which you should already know if you have experience with computers. Remember those emails you would get with an .exe attachment and the subject line: “FUNNY ANIMATION ROTFLMAO YOU GOTTA SEE THIS” that experts told you not to open because they were malware?

Same rules apply.

Yr welcome.

For yr protection,

This is dF

I get press releases.

Sometimes they are about pseudoscientific polls.



The “collateral damage” involves relationships with friends, family members and/or co-workers – three out of five respondents to the poll say they’ve had such relationships damaged by talking politics. Around 14% say the damage is permanent.

And so:


Now, leaving aside the fact that this poll is from a company pushing corporate training products to improve interdepartmental communication and team-building, this kind of thing is easy to believe – especially if you spend any amount of time on Facebook. Or if you watch a lot of Fox News.

I can tell you from my own experience that when I go back to the states, I stay off politics as much as possible, although that’s partly because:

(1) For most of the Bush II admin, I was on the wrong side of the Socially Acceptable Political Opinion divide (i.e. I opposed the war and thought Gitmo, the Patriot Act and TSA no-fly lists were terrible, dangerous and useless ideas). No one wanted to hear about that for at least the first five years after 9/11 – not when the official White House/DOJ/DHS position was “If yr not with us, yr an honorary member of Al Qaeda, and if you know anyone like that, let us know”. And:

(2) The Fox News/MSNBC/Daily Kos/Breitbart/talk radio hyperpartisan echo chamber seemed to be expanding the reality gap between the two sides into batshit territory, and who wants to risk getting caught up in an argument with one of THOSE people?

However … there’s a lot this kind of poll doesn’t tell me. For example, how much of this is new? How would this compare to, say, 20 years ago? Or before Vietnam? Have we always been this insane about politics, or is this a recent development?

Which leads to the other missing point: how much of this being gun-shy about politics is the result of social media making it easier to get into toxic arguments?

I ask because one thing I’ve noticed is that, overall, the way people talk about politics online is a lot different from the way people talk about it face to face. Maybe it’s because I’ve never met the kind of people who show up at Tea Party rallies – or people who take Glenn Beck and Chuck Norris seriously – but that feared screaming match that I often dread actually never happens. Not even if I make a political remark in a public place where other people can hear me.

Which gets me to thinking that social media has been a major influence (alongside things like cable TV news) in shaping people’s perceptions of the nature and risks of political discourse – and amplifying them.

Or, again, maybe it’s just made us more hyperaware of something that’s been around for most of American history.

Either way, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something to this survey – not that political discussions in themselves are risky in 2012, but that the majority of people in America THINK they are.

TRY IT AT HOME: The press release also gives some tips on how to have a productive political discussion. They’re good in theory, but in practice I don’t imagine too many people will follow them. And of course they're useless for Facebook rants.

No time to argue,

This is dF

I get press releases.

Sometimes they’re about Chinese television sets with telepathic remote controls.

Well, okay, they’re never about that. Until now.

Here’s how that (allegedly) works:




And you thought 3D TV sets were the future.

Feel free to insert paranoid Crichton-style worst-case techno-thriller scenario here (it’s a plot by China to read our minds!).

Does it actually work? Damned if I know. I do know that it’s not quite as flaky as it sounds – plenty of companies have sunk lots of R&D money into developing brain-scanning tech that can translate thoughts into interface controls for computers (as has the Pentagon, incidentally).

But even assuming NeuroSky’s tech works as advertised, as a mass-market concept, I don't see the average consumer being willing to strap a brain-helmet on their head just so they can flip channels by thinking about them, or whatever – at least once the novelty value wears off.

That said, hurrah for the 21st Century, eh?

Don’t think,

This is dF

I get press releases.

And as you’d expect, I’ve been seeing a lot of them in the last couple of days related to the Sendai Earthquake/Tsunami, mostly in terms of companies offering donations or free calls to Japan, etc.

Even the pole-dancing industry is doing its part.



Specifically, that’s $10 per pole.

So if you need a new pole …

Otherwise, you can donate to the Japanese Red Cross Society here.

For those of you in North America and have mobile phones, here's a list of SMS shortcodes you can use to donate if you like.

Every little bit helps,

This is dF

I get press releases.

Sometimes they’re photo advisories.

Which is handy, because you don’t want to miss an opportunity to run a photo of Barry Manilow in yr publication.





He writes the songs,

This is dF

I get press releases.

They’re pretty much never (1) from hacker groups declaring war on the Australian govt for censoring Internet pr0n or (2) worth reproducing in their entirety.

Until today.

( Operation Titstorm! )

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: The hacker group Anonymous promises to attack Australian govt web sites in protest of censorship plans to ban all porn featuring A-cup women and female ejaculation.

They made good on that promise today.

Personally, I agree with the anti-censorship groups that condemned the attacks – it's unlikely to convince the govt to change its mind. In fact, it’s more likely to backfire in that regard.

Still, I don’t get nearly enough press releases with statements like:


So, points for that.

Pr0n wants to be free,

This is dF

As a telephones journalist, I get press releases.

Sometimes they are off-topic.

And not safe for work.



As near as I can tell, it’s sort of a club-culture-for-hire thing to liven up “high-end cocktail events, dinner engagements and galas” with “enthralling sensations, electric violinists and e-guitarists, sultry saxophonists, exploding vocalists, beautiful dancers in large transparent bubbles, exotic costumes, immense interactive video screens, live percussionists, fire shooters and the most amazing DJanes spinning the best music the market has to offer”.

Which, I think, means it’s the European equivalent of a Vegas stage act with topless DJ babes. Or something. The press release isn’t very clear on this. But hey, it’s a revolution in performance art. It’s not supposed to make sense.

What any of this has to do with telephones is beyond me. But I didn’t tell them to stop sending me stuff, either. So I’ve got no one but myself to blame.

Bang the DJ,

This is dF

I get press releases.

Sometimes they’re from CNN. And when they are, they’re not usually this strange.

ITEM: CNN International uses biometrics technology to demonstrate emotional responses to brand-based advertising.



See what they did there?

I’d find this kind of creepy if I hadn’t read Vance Packard’s The Hidden Persuaders in college. This kind of thing isn’t new. It’s just that the technology to measure the effects has improved.

Of course, if my life was directed by John Carpenter, then I’d worry.


Participate in yr own manipulation,

This is dF

ITEM [via YesButNoButYes]: So yr a lingerie company looking for a way to promote yr brand? Why not start a rock band? Featuring women playing while wearing bras?

That’s what Vassarette did. They spent 2008 auditioning “the most talented female musicians confident enough to perform in their bras”.

This is what they came up with: The Vassarettes.

And goodness, they’re awful.


To be fair, they’re all good musicians who can also sing okay. But they definitely need a better songwriter, because the song they’ve been handed (or wrote themselves) sucks monkey ass. Music doesn’t get more soulless and lifeless than this outside of the average High School Musical soundtrack. Kelly Clarkson rocks harder, for God’s sake.

Nice bras, mind. Which is probably the point. And if the Pussycat Dolls can make a career out of it, why can’t people who can actually play instruments?

Still, it’s a shame to see otherwise decent talent wasted on a silly, pointless project like this – especially with me being a fan of rock music AND lingerie and all. It just goes to show that bands are more than the sum of their parts – especially when they’re assembled for the sole purpose of promoting a corporate brand.

It also goes to show that Bill Hicks was right.

ADDENDUM: Can I just say that despite my appreciation for burlesque and lingerie, I can’t find a single thing sexy about Pussycat Dolls? Seriously. Their videos come on and nothing tingles. Not even a little. Granted, to each his own, but still, the needle is NOT moving here.

Turn it down,

This is dF

O, the press releases people email me:



This is what I love about America. No, really. I love the fact that you really can invent anything and find some schmuck who'll give you money for it – like a pillow that makes you look like you fell asleep in the soup, or in yr dog's food bowl.

Not that I'd buy one.

CONSUMER TIP: Never trust a product that has the same name as the company.

Face down,

This is dF