JUST WHAT WE NEED, ANOTHER END-OF-YEAR LIST 2007: THE FILMS

If you want expert analysis on the year in cinema, ask thelastaerie. For me, 2007 was okay for movies, but not many knockout must-see pics. After the first eight entries on this list, I kind of struggled to decide what stood out enough to get it to ten.

One thing I can tell you is that numerology played a major role. I saw an awful lot of movies with the number “3” in them (Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Ocean’s Eleven 3, etc – and I didn’t even see Rush Hour 3 or Bourne Ultimatum 3). I also saw 300 and 1408, but not The Number 23.

Another thing I can tell you is that 3D film technology is pretty impressive. I’d be more impressed if they lowered the price, though – we passed on 3D versions of Beowulf and Harry Potter 5 because we didn’t want to pay that kind of premium. At least not for those specific movies. Okay, so my first 3D experience was Meet The Robinsons. But that was at a discount, and I came out of it sold on 3D.

Okay, let’s do this.

DISCLAIMER: Based on films I actually saw, not on what you think should win at the Oscars or whatever.

TFI’S TOP TEN DEF FILMS OF 2007

1. Planet Terror
2. The Lives Of Others
3. Children Of Men    
4. Death Proof
5. The Simpsons Movie
6. Hot Fuzz
7. Sunshine
8. Lust, Caution
9. 300
10. Day Watch

WORST MOVIE I SAW IN 2007

Transformers

( Extended mix, it is here! )

Optimus prime rib,

This is dF

TWITTERDUMP 01.14.08: YR EITHER WITH US, OR YR WITH THE FILIPINO MONKEYS

Seen recently on the Twitters:

defrog Vivid Video is the new RIAA! http://tinyurl.com/26ndg7

defrog Oh, and a belated happy 6th B-day to Gitmo Prison! Pls send waterboards. http://tinyurl.com/2han78

defrog Making plans to become a Hong Kong millionaire by selling every item in my flat for HK$1.00 a pop. You may call me Mr Trump now.

defrog Hmmm. Starbucks or McCafe? http://tinyurl.com/2t5kzp

defrog Freedom isn't free. Neither is wiretapping everyone. http://tinyurl.com/2av3to

defrog Tony Blair's pro-Bush strategy explained. http://business.timesonline... 

defrog Been waiting for the other shoe to drop on the Hormuz incident. And there it goes! http://tinyurl.com/2awhzk

defrog Texas: saving America's youth with strict hair laws. http://tinyurl.com/2yxe

defrog Playing strip poker on my mobile phone. Because we can do this in the 21st Century, thanks to science.

UPDATE: Regarding the Strait Of Hormuz “incident” ...

When we saw the video on the TV news here and I heard that voice, my first thought was, “That sounds so overdubbed!” Or maybe it was live to tape, but it sounded too contrived to be believable – remembering that the Bush Admin has a history of making things sound needlessly more dangerous than they are. But so much was made of the “threatening message” that I just couldn’t help wondering when we would find out that the voice didn’t actually come from the Iranian speedboats at all.

Now the Navy is saying it may have come from some local radio heckler called the “Filipino Monkey”. Which is just weird enough to be believable.

Anyway, that’s why Bush is in the Middle East brokering a peace deal by asking everyone to put aside their differences and attack Iran before it kills them all with its radio heckling and evil monkey-powered speedboats and nuke program that it halted four years ago and stuff.

The monkey explodes,

This is dF

WHO STOLE THE ROCKINROLLS?

I missed this the first time round (on account of we don’t get VH1 out here in the South China Sea) but anyway:

Last month, the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame announced its inductees for 2008: Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five, Madonna, John Mellencamp and The Ventures.

And just when I’m thinking, “Leonard Cohen and Madonna were rock?”, YesButNoButYes calls my attention to Future Rock Hall, a site that tracks all of the artists who are eligible for RnRHOF status (i.e. 25 years have passed since their first record was released) but haven’t yet made it in.

It’s an amazing list of names, really – I would have sworn bands like Kiss and Alice Cooper were already in, or guys like Link Wray. I was surprised to see Lou Reed’s name too, although The Velvet Underground were inducted 12 years ago, so maybe that’s understandable.

Still, inevitably this gets me to thinking about the criteria involved, seeing as how they only induct a handful of people every year. There doesn’t seem to be much in the way of guidelines apart from “trailblazers ... all unique and influential in their genres”. Which leaves it pretty wide open, though the “Fame” element suggests that yr far more likely to see, say, John Mellencamp get the nod than, oh, The Hard-Ons.

And then of course there’s the ultimate question: What is Rock? Is it Madonna? Is it Miles Davis (2006)? Is it Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys (1999)? Is a guitar a minimum requirement? Should Dio have at least done a guest vocal on one track? Or is it simply “the area between the balls and the anus of a dog or of a man” (Turbonegro 2007, p. 11)?

Unsurprisingly, there’s been a lot of bias against rap and disco artists as not being rock (Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five were the first rap act to be admitted – and that was last year). I admit I wouldn’t technically classify either as “rock”. On the other hand, rock itself was three or four other genres mashed together, and many of the RnRHOF inductees are more famous for pioneering music that influenced rock rather than being rock themselves. So why not include the sub-genres that rock inspired or played a role in forming? Or genres that originated in parallel (like R&B or soul) and the genres they in turn influenced? I see no reason why Public Enemy shouldn’t be inducted when they become eligible in 2012.

That said, I think we can all agree that whatever rock is, it is NOT Air Supply. Or Kenny G. It is in fact the polar opposite of what they do. I should hope this is obvious and need not be mentioned again.

I blame commercial radio for all the confusion, myself. Radio formats have narrowly shaped music genres over the years, but really, a radio format is basically just a marketing tool to sell a demographic audience to advertisers. I have an FCC operator license, so I can say this.

So maybe it’s just a semantics problem. Maybe we should just simplify the definition of “rock” to: “Any music that gets a federal judge or a Senator’s spouse stoned and sexually aroused”.

Or, if that’s too hardcore, just change the name of the institution. Instead of calling it the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, it should be changed to The People’s Kick Ass Funk Soul Brother Music Hall Of Awesomeness.

Yes. That will do nicely. I look forward to seeing The Smiths, Social Distortion and Ronnie James Dio inducted into the PKAFSBMHOA in 2009.

( Bonus Top 10 lists behind the cut! )

When we rock we rock and when we roll we roll,

This is dF