AM I PINK ENOUGH FOR YOU?

ITEM [via YesButNoButYes]: More proof that if you can think of it, you can get it on the Internet: labia lipstick.



The pitch:

My New Pink Button (tm) is a temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia. There is no other product like it. This patent pending formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician after she discovered her own genital color loss. While looking online for a solution she discovered thousands of other women asking the same questions regarding their color loss.

Comes in four (4) colors: Marilyn, Bettie, Ginger, and Audrey.

I am not a gynecologist, nor do I claim to be an expert on female genitalia. But I was completely unaware that this was a problem for anyone, much less one that needed solving.

But I’m a guy, so what do I know?

Anyway, there’s a fun (and SFW) product review here, which I recommend for the JPG of the instructions, which – you may notice – warns that this is an “Adult Novelty” product that hasn’t been cleared by the FDA.

Also, it is not intended for use by children.

Push the button,

This is dF

KILL YR IDOLS

ITEM: Simon Cowell is quitting as a judge on American Idol. His potential replacement: Howard Stern.

“There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that f---ing karaoke contest,” Stern said.

“It might be possible, we’ll see,” he said, adding: “They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.”

DISCLAIMER: I don’t watch American Idol or any of these so-called talent shows. Train wrecks generally don’t interest me and I can’t name a single winner that ever impressed me apart from Adam Lambert, and that was only for kissing a guy on national television.

And I can’t say that getting more interesting judges would help. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be funny to see, say, Henry Rollins rip into some of these people. On the other hand, if he did, I might have less respect for him than I do.

Stern wouldn’t be much of a hook for me, either. I think he’s good at what he does and he’ll go down in broadcasting history as one of the legends of the business, but I don’t particularly like listening to him.

And anyway, I’ll only be impressed if he brings the Sybian.

Or better yet, the tongue chainsaw.

Which not even Fox would let him do. So there’s not much point.

EXTREME WARNING: The Sybian and tongue chainsaw links are not only NSFW, they’re also potentially offensive even to an open-minded, worldly cosmopolitan lot like yrselves. The links are provided for documentation purposes only.

Do NOT click on them. EVER.

Seriously. Don’t do it.

Unless you want to see female ejaculation and Carmen Electra getting hot and bothered, that is. Then be my guest. Unless you live in Australia, in which watching them is against the law.

You’ve been warned.

Open mike,

This is dF

CHICKS DIG JERKS: THE ALBUM

So you may have heard that Valentine’s Day is coming up. You may also have sensed – especially if you’ve been following Team Frog’s activities long enough – that we’re not that crazy about VD as a commercially sanctioned multi-billion-dollar exercise in saccharine sentimentality, emotional blackmail and blunt-force trauma disguised as a holiday.

But then I’ll be spending this VD – which, incidentally, also coincides with the Chinese New Year and will not do so again for another 38 years – on a 15-hour long-haul flight to Barcelona for a business trip, so I would say that, wouldn’t I?

Anyway, every year Team Def endeavors to bring balance to the Force with our annual critique of Valentine’s Day – in the form of an illegal music podcast full of songs that aren’t written by Dianne Warren or that guy from OneRepublic. Because it’s tradition. And because it’s not fair to let bedsitter23  do all the work.

This year is no different. Which means free tunes for you. Yr so lucky.

Terribly Fr0g Productions presents:



Download now and you’ll get 15 fabulous songs full of heartbreak, adultery, greed, treachery, alcoholism, domestic violence, math analogies, treacherous robots, demon women, betrayal and covert surveillance! With bonus tips on how to pick up chicks in a museum in Cleveland!

( Here's what you get! )

As usual, you have two download options available:

For a folder of individual DRM-free MP3 files + artwork [52.89MB], click here

For an exclusive Def Mix MP3 + artwork [44.7 MB], click here.

Offer expires in seven days (or whenever Mediafire deletes them). Feel free to circulate among girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, mistresses, paramours, lovers, mailmen, secretaries, neighbors, marriage counselors, divorce lawyers, disgraced Congressmen, defrocked priests, sex robots, MILFs, DILFs, cougars, manthers and whoever else may be on yr Valentine’s list.

FBI WARNING: If you download these files, the music industry will die and millions of people will be out of work. And it will be yr fault. Just you think about that. We’ll be by for urine samples in about an hour.

Intrigued by yr indifference,

This is dF

I LOVE YOU BUT YR BORING (#7 OF 7): SHE WAS NEVER BORED BECAUSE SHE WAS NEVER BORING

Wrapping up Boredom Week, we’ve seen that boredom comes in many forms. But in the end, according to Pet Shop Boys, life is really only as boring as you want it to be.

"Violent Femmes - Happy New Year Next Year" (Watch on YouTube)

Which isn’t completely true, of course. People get locked into routines for all kinds of reasons they can’t control, and we can’t all be sexy arty Bohemians in SoHo, or naked young men bouncing on trampolines. (And some of us would find THAT boring too.) Still, that doesn’t mean you have to settle for less all the time.

Okay. That’s it. And yr already bored of this series. Which makes it a qualified success.

A life less ordinary,

This is dF