MORE SENSELESS ACTS OF BLOGGERY

I am playing golf with Dita Von Teese. 

Dita is of course decked out in classy white lingerie – lace robe, bustier, panties, garters, stockings, stilettos, etc. It’s something to do with a charity event, so there is an audience watching. I am also the MC for it.

We are playing on a course that’s like a real golf course but with mini-golf hazards and challenges. And as MC I get to set the rules for each shot.

One hole is like a pyramid of little green hills, with pockets of flat ground. Dita has to putt the ball over the peak and down to the hole in one of the flat bits. If she misses, the ball will roll all the way down the hill and she’ll have to work her way back up.

She misses, and the ball rolls all the way back to the clubhouse. She looks at me with that smirky smile of hers and removes her lacy white robe – apparently the unspoken rule is that for every stroke it takes her to get the ball in the hole she has to take something off.

Since this is for charity, and since she will clearly be naked long before she ever gets anywhere close to the hole again, and since I want to be a gentleman to Ms Von Teese, I change the rules. She can take another shot from the top, and instead of a ball she can hit a slice of chopped onion sitting in a bowl of water. That way if she misses it won’t roll far. She graciously agrees, but says she wants to use raw onion, not one that’s been marinated in a bowl of garlic sauce.

“That’s too soggy, it’ll just stick to the putter,” she explains.

And then I woke up.

Cheese and onions,

This is dF

As long-time readers know, I’m a fan of the Lingerie Football League. I don’t actually watch it. (I’m not a big fan of American football no matter who’s playing.) And I think it’s a silly enterprise that could only happen in a country where boob-themed restaurants are the biggest growing sector in the hospitality industry. 

But given the struggles they’ve had just finding cities to host teams (“Women playing a man’s game in their underwears? Not in MY town. We are proper folk here and don’t go for that kind of trashy entertainment. BTW, did we mention the WWE will be at the Coliseum next week?”), I do have a soft spot for the LFL. 

And I admit that even though I don’t care for football as a sport, I do think football is the most sexist sport America has. Manly-men gladiators hitting each other whilst being cheered on by sexpot babes? I mean, c’mon.

Now, it seems, the LFL was a stealth plot to make women’s football a mainstream sport (and a lucrative business).



Essentially, the LFL is “rebranding” itself the Legends Football League, and the women will now be wearing actual uniforms. Also, the tag line has been changed from "True Fantasy Football" to "Women of the Gridiron."

The object is to focus on the athleticism of the sport – an angle that, actually, the LFL has been keen to emphasize for some time. This isn’t a bunch of supermodels playing touch football – this is real competition, only packaged as male eye candy. Kind of like (and I’m just pulling an example out of the air here, really) beach volleyball.

The two obvious questions are: (1) “Why bother?” and (2) “What’s their attendance going to be like?”

Both are hard to answer, because I have no idea what kind of turnout the LFL games get now. Obviously they must do well enough to keep the business financed (and expand internationally), but I don’t know if they’re filling stadiums – and the LFL tends to stick to vague descriptions like “millions” and “more viewers than the WWF had in its first three years”.

The press release says the LFL is now big enough that it has “reached a crossroad of gaining credibility as a sport or continuing to be viewed as a gimmick.” But seeing as how it was the gimmick that drew in the punters, what will happen if you try to get them to take you seriously?

It will be interesting to see where this goes. The LFL is ostensibly saying that there is a market for women’s pro football, and we just created it while you were busy ogling lingerie babes.

I’m not entirely convinced this has been their plan all along. On the other hand, it’s something of a breakthrough. Outside of soccer, schools and charity events, America’s biggest team sports are guys-only affairs, and football is the most guys-only game there is – even colleges don’t have women’s football teams. There have been attempts, but the argument has always been there’s no interest – football fans wouldn’t care, and even if they did, you couldn’t find enough women who’d want to play, and even if you could, chicks just don’t play football as well because of, you know, lady parts and stuff.

The LFL has been proving that wrong. And it says a lot that the only way they could do that was to start it off as a sexy cheesecake gimmick.

It’ll be interesting to see if they can keep that interest level without the lingerie. Although the track record of pro football franchises that aren't the NFL is not promising.

First and goal,

This is dF

I’ll be broadcasting from Kuala Lumpur the next couple of days.

Also:



[Via Fat Man In A Little Coat]

Carry on.

Jackpot,

This is dF

Hijinks!



[Via Crypt Of Wrestling]

FUN FACT: Interestingly enough, there’s a historical significance to panty raids. What started as a prank actually blossomed in the early 1950s into fun protests against curfews and other restrictive campus rules, and eventually led to student activism in other areas.

And you thought it was drunk idjits stealing ladies underwear.

Class dismissed,

This is dF

And vice versa, I would assume.



[Via Radioactive Lingerie]


You remember Appolonia 6, of course. Quite possibly you even remember their music.



The 80s: you had to be there.

Shooting love in yr direction,

This is dF

Good morning, sinners. And how is YR weekend going?



[Via Wicked Knickers]

Shake it like an earthquake,

This is dF

You know yr dance party is swell when it includes gratuitous panties and majorettes.



I’ll go put my costume on,

This is dF